Tuesday, May 4, 2010

In This Case the Glass is Full

I am generally a positive person.

You could say I always think the glass is half full.

Yes I know life can throw a lot of crap your way. I can think of one really big one for myself. I, however choose to feel that I am here, alive, generally well adjusted I can do anything, or at least the best that I can.

Yet for all my positivity I have been fighting depression, moodiness, and anxiety lately.

I am acutely aware that I am not living my life as me. I use the positive that things have been set into motion and that I will get there to keep me sane.

Thus I was challenged on the issue of what if I cannot transition or something goes wrong as I do?

Well I cannot think about that.

First I cannot not transition. I know without a shadow of a doubt now that I will fall apart. I don't know how. I don't know when. But the reality of knowing your problem and not doing anything about it will simply destroy me.

I don't like that thought thus I don't think about it.

While this process might take a while to get there, I can, will and must.

Failure is not an option

Second I know this journey isn't going to be easy and it will have its bumps in the road. I will do what I must to get around them or remove them from the path completely.

I have to completely believe that I can get there even with everything that could go wrong.

Which is why I say the glass is full. For as of right now it is. If it gets jostled, tipped a little or anything else which reduces the amount of water in it so be it. The goal is to end up with a half full glass.

Which means I have succeeded.

If I started out with a half full glass I might not have anything left in it when all this is done.

The thought of that doesn't sit well with me.

Thus the glass is full. I will become the person I want to be. I will be able to live my life they way I want to. I will be able to go out in the world and be nothing more then any other woman in the world.

Wish me luck!


Stace said...

With pleasure. Good luck!

I went through anxiet, depression and moodiness last year (about the time where I decided I had to tell my wife / parents).

I hope you manage to arrange something at some point soon regarding your parents - telling the important people in my life helped me trmendously.


Jessica Lyn said...

I think we can all use a little luck.. so "Good Luck" to all who need it!.. which includes myself as well as Kelli.