Thursday, January 3, 2013

The Cabin In The Woods

It has been a crazy few months and it will take a bit for me to catch you all up on it.

I am going to try though.

The first thing I need to cover is the story of a friend of mine who got in touch with me again.

I'll call him Scholar since he spent over ten years getting his bachelor's degree. (long story)

He is a friend of mine who also knows the Professor.

Which is how he came to learning about me.

Earlier this year, late summer  or early fall, Scholar and the Prof went to lunch. Scholar asked about me and Professor told him that he had not talked to [His Name] in quite some time. Which is true.

So the Professor contacted me to let me know that I was asked about. Since he knew it was my story to tell he left it up to me, but that he did not want to keep avoiding the question.

Fair enough.

I then reached out via text to Scholar and let me know that I wanted to give him a call and talk but that if I did so I would sound a little different.

Before I could call him he attempted to contact me. Unfortunately  I was in a meeting and was unable to answer it. Thus it went to voice mail. Which has a new greeting with a new voice.

Well that removed any chance of not completely shocking him.

I called him back as soon as I was able and when he answered the phone he immediately used the right name and was totally okay with it. In fact it turned out I was the third person he knew that had transitioned(almost 11 years in college remember?). Crazy fact was I was the second MtF and the other was FtM.

We set plans for a dinner in the near future(early sept)  and sat down for a chat that day over a few drinks and a meal.

It was a non event really as he was already familiar with trans individuals and really just wanted to get to know me better.

At the end of the evening he noted a few things.

"Well you still have your sense of humor, you are still a geek, you seem more alive and happy then I have ever seen you. Really you are much the same yet vastly different. Also sitting here talking to you for the last few hours there is no doubt in my mine you are a girl. A pretty cool and amazing one at that."

Closing out this meeting he asked me if I was willing to attend a show by a local Irish drinking band, that the group he hung out with the most, followed around and saw fairly regularly. They had been trying to get me to attend for years but my prior living arrangement would not allow for it. I told him I would love to attend and to let me know when the shows were, that as long as I wasn't tied up elsewhere, that I would make one.

Which promptly came up a few weeks later, alas I was unable to attend that once since it was a bowling night.

All was not lost as the opportunity popped up right after Thanksgiving when Scholar called me again to see how I was doing and to inform me that yet another show was happening the first weekend in December.

The good news was I was totally free that night and mentioned that I would be dragging someone along, as they needed a head count for seating reservations.

As asked Scholar who else would be attending, besides himself, I did not really know anyone else, except for Rogue.

(I'll call him that because it totally fits his history if you know it like I do. Besides it is my blog and I can use any nickname I want too.)

Rogue went to the same HS as myself, Professor and Scholar. Not to mention the four of us did a lot of crazy things together way back when.

However I had not even talked to Rogue in nearly eight years, meaning he was not high on my list of people to have 'the' talk with prior to transition.

I asked Scholar if Rogue had been told anything and he replied that to his knowledge nothing had been said. I also contacted Professor and he stated the same.

So the night of event comes, I go, dragging the BF with me(he is a trouper that one, sometimes he has no idea what he is about to encounter but knows I need the support), Professor even makes a change in his plans and attends for my sake. (I have some amazing friends.)

Upon arriving, I am introduced to everyone there along with Rogue. Now he was a little busy since he was doing the arranging of this event and wanted to make sure there were enough seat for all the people attending.

Thus, beyond a cursory introduction, we did not talk.

Yet interestingly enough we did sit across from each other and though at separate tables. (The group had two long rectangular tables but Rogue and I ended up directly across from each other even if there were two table between us. This is important later.)

Also, once we got settled in the band started fairly soon thereafter so I was forced to wait for a break between the sets.

At which point I tell Scholar and Professor to go grab rogue so I can have a chance to talk to him.

We get him outside and away from the smokers(all bars and restaurants in my home state no longer allow for it inside) to have the following exchange.

"Rogue, I do apologize for doing it this way, but unfortunately I did not have a chance to tell you sooner. While you might not have any idea who I am, you do know me though it has been quite sometime. There has been a great deal of change so unless you have some idea who I am, I will have to explain."

I gave him a moment during which his eye widened and he looked at me and said:

"I have a guess."


"Are you [his name]?"

"I was yes, how did you know?"

"Lol, well all night sitting across from you thinking you reminded me of someone. A few of your facial ticks. A smirk or look with your eyes that eventually clicked with me that you reminded me of him. So much so that I was tempted to call him and asked if he had a cousin that I never met who could almost pass for his female twin."

I laughed and said "Well there are some thing you cannot change."

"Honestly, I had no clue until you asked me if I knew who you were, I just thought it was one of those crazy circumstances where you meet someone who reminds you a great deal of someone else. I did not even make the connection until just now. So how are you?"

"Oh, you know same old, same old."

He gave a big laugh "Lol well your sense of humor certainly has not changed."

We chatted for a few minutes and at the end of it I asked if he ad any questions or concerns.

"Just one, Are you happy?"


"Good, I might still be a little shocked but I have no issue with it as long as you feel it was right for you."

"It was."

"One last thing."


"Will we be seeing you around more?"

"I don't see why not."

"Excellent, you have been missed."

It was this point where we needed to head back in as the band was going to start their second set. It was also time for me to leave. I have a busy Sunday morning and already it was late. So I said my goodbyes and headed out the door.

Now you would think that this would be the end of  my store. But nay, it is not. I only told you all that so I could tell you the real story. I mean this post is titled The Cabin in The Woods.

And I don't believe I have actually mentioned a cabin yet.

Well a few weeks after the music event, Scholar called me up and asked what I was doing between the holidays.

[Now before I go any further I feel I should point out Scholar's parents and extended family own two cabins in the norther part of our home state. His parents having the larger of the two properties mostly because they built a larger cabin next to the smaller one and connected the two with a breezeway. What would happened a long ago in a galaxy far, far away, is that between college semesters a bunch of us would head up there to unwind, game, ski, watch movies and generally have some fun before heading back home, and real life. I managed to go for most of the 90's before life took me in a different direction.]

At my current employment we have a full shutdown between the holidays. Mostly because our largest client also shuts down during this time.

I told him I was off and that I was looking to possibly go skiing somewhere.

"Why don't you come up here if you can, we will find room for you, there will be plenty to eat and you know you can go skiing form here. Besides, Scholar, Rogue, and myself already know, anyone else would be new to you. Nothing needs to be said just come up and be you."

I debated with this until the weekend before Xmas. Not sure what I wanted to do, but ultimately deciding I would go Wednesday night, ski Thursday, hang out Friday and if I felt uncomfortable I could head home at any time on Saturday.

Now I had to do a little work Wednesday after Christmas, which I could do from home, handle an appointment, so I needed up getting partially caught in a bad snow storm driving out Wednesday night. Thankfully I was able to drive  north enough to get out of it and the last two thirds of the trip were no issue at all.

It did however turn a three hour trip into five and a half.

Meaning I got there far later than I desired so I was only able to see a couple of people before I needed to get into bed since I was getting up early to leave to go skiing the following morning.

With only an hour, I only got to meet one new couple and spent some additional time with Rogue who helped me to find my sleeping arrangements.

Thursday was great all day on the slopes, for the first time in a long time I had total freedom since I had no one to babysit or teach how to ski. Not that I really mind I love sharing, but this really allowed me to go where I wanted, when I wanted and ski what I wanted.

I had a complete and total blast.

After getting kicked off the slopes in the late afternoon, I headed back to the cabin, stopping only to grab a bit to eat. I was starving and did not want to wait until I got back.

Upon arriving I headed into the main cabin to see if the shower would be free. I knew there were at least ten people currently staying there and I did not want to impede anyone.

What happened was not something I was expecting.

I ran smack into someone I knew...

...and who would know the old me.

Now this was someone who I had not physically seen in nearly fifteen years. He attended college with Scholar, which was how they met, and also how I met him. During those years in the mid nineties I saw and spend time with him a lot, mostly via proxy through Scholar. If you gave him enough information he would remember who version 1.0 of me was. Something else you should know. He has a history of being a player and a skirt chaser. Not deplorably so but once he becomes bored with her he would move on pretty fast.

So there I was just popping in the door which had me in the kitchen and he was right there in front to me. It took me a moment to figure out who he was as he was much older looking but the voice and personality were there. He had arrived that morning after I had already left for the slopes.

"Well hello! Who might you be?" He asked me.

"I'm Kelli."

"Well Kelli I am Jester. When did you get in?" I could see the interest almost immediately. [I'll call him Jester right now for the fact that he has this crazy sense of humor.]

"Last night."

"Then where have you been?"

"I was out skiing today."

"Oh, so your the skier I heard about."

"Yes I am."

"What are you doing now?"

"Well I wanted to see if the shower was free as I would really like to take one."

I managed to break that conversation off rather quickly after that, as I really wanted to take a shower. I should point out that he is not a terribly unattractive man. Being older than me, he is in fairly good shape, though he does smoke. Still had a full head of hair but it had receded back a bit.

He is intelligent, funny, and extremely charismatic but knowing his history I was totally not interested. He might be fun to talk to but it was not going to go any further.

Besides I have a BF I love very much and was certainly not going to jeopardize that. The point here is even if I was single I would keep him at arms length.

Still it was obvious he was very interested in me and once I was done getting cleaned up spent a lot of time where ever I was. He was baffled that I knew Scholar, Professor and Rogue as long as I have(which is much longer than he did) and he had never met me before. He  also could not fathom how an extremely attractive woman,  very intelligent woman, who had a great sense of humor had ended up divorced.

Over the course of Thursday evening to early Saturday morning he asked me out to dinner three separate times. All of which I politely turned down and mentioned that I was dating.

It didn't stop him at all.

But that is the nature of who he is.

However there wasn't any recognition from him that he linked me to the person I was before.

In fact Scholar even told a story that version 1.0 of me played a major role in.  He told it that way not shifting any details of the story at all. Yet he made no mention that the person in the story was also the same person sitting at the other end of the table. Jester even asked about it after the story was wrapped up.

"Hey whatever happened to that guy?

Scholar answered "I lost touch with him several years ago and have not heard from him since."

It was obvious he remember who the old me was but nothing was ever said nor any connection made that I was one in the same.

I can say he might have been persistent but he wasn't obnoxious about it. He was always polite but I always knew what his intentions were and where he wanted to go.

My guess is he finally decided to leave on Saturday because I was constantly rebuffing him and a few more people showed up including a former girlfriend of his.

I was still pretty crazy to receive that kind of attention all weekend long.

And THAT is not even the end of the story yet.

There was one other person there who came in Friday morning. I'll call her Ginger since...well...she is a ginger. Fiery red hair, pale skin and freckles to make a Wesley jealous.

Ginger is someone who I attended high school with along with Professor, Scholar and Rogue.

Again someone who knew the old version of me but was not involved with this version. It had probably been ten years since I last saw her.

She had no idea who I was and just thought I was new to the group. However over the course of Friday and Saturday, small tidbits were revealed to place just how I knew Professor, Scholar and Rogue. We were not making it hidden that I had known them for a long time, just sticking to the story that I was new for the rest of the group and that this was my first time up at the cabin. Up to where she asked me if I attended the same high school with her.

Which I think was the one item that really through her off, how could I possibly have gong to high school with those three and she not know who I was.

Which brought us to Saturday morning we were in the second cabin watching the new Doctor Who seasons(yes they got me hooked and I am just starting the David Tennant seasons) when the boys with us got called outside to rescue a stuck car.

Leaving Ginger and myself alone. I turned to look at her and she faced me, I could see the gears turning in her head(she is a highly intelligent person if a prone to a little flightiness). I asked if there was a question she had, I did so in a way I knew she might recognize. (remember you cannot change or hide facial ticks, which seems to be the only way others who knew me well can make the connection. Ginger knew the old version of me quite well and I know it was starting to each at her why she could not have met me before.

I could see the light bulb go off suddenly.

She said "Your [his name]!"

"I was, yes. How did you know?"

"Omg it was the fact Professor, Rogue, and Scholar knew who you were. I could not figure out how you could know them and I did not know you. Little tidbits of info including the fact that we all went to high school together were just bugging me. What finally did it was the mischievous little smirk you had and still do. You look so completely different and amazing, I would never have put it together otherwise."

She came around the projector and sat next to me on the couch, grabbed both of my hands and asked.

"Are you happy?"


"Awesome!" She then gave me a big hug. "Don't ever let anyone ever tell you this was wrong. I think it is incredible and I am so happy for you. I am so excited to get to know you again!"

And that is finally the whole story. I had a ton of fun and ended up staying until Sunday morning. I got to ski, game(I HIGHLY recommend Cards Against Humanity if you can handle an adult natured game, you will also find out how deliciously evil your friends are), get caught up on movies and some reading. I even get hooked onto Doctor Who. I met fifteen new people in all. Four other couples and their other single friend Moe. Which I can use as that is the nickname they assigned him, since he has the same first name as Rogue. I had a lot of fun doing some light bonding with the other girls.

Almost to a person they asked if I would be back. Of which I promised that as my schedule allowed I would.

So that is just part of my wild December. There is more to come but this post has already gotten long enough.

I still marvel at it all. How I am able to just be myself how few people see anything different other than the girl that I am. Even Professor, who has spend the most time with me recently both before and after transition said something recently when I was responding to something I did.

"OMG you are such a chick!"

Things like this make it all worth it. The pain, the fear. Much of it is gone and my life feels so clear and promising before me.

That does not mean I don't get a little craziness now and again.

Here is to a brand new year.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013