Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Officially Semi-Official

This blog post title is sponsored by the Department of Redundancy Department.

Today was a big step in the process.

As mentioned my name changed got delayed a little because of a paperwork snafu.

Gotta love those!

Well delayed no more.

Today I got my name changed.

That is right I am officially Kelli Marie now!

No more other name.

Though I do now have to run around and change my name everywhere.

But it is a good problem to have.

Why the Semi-Official you might ask?

Well here in my home state we are no longer allowed to change the gender marker prior to having gender surgery.

I have to wait until that takes place change the birth certificate and visit the DMV yet again.

Oh well at least I can change it eventually.

In the mean time...

...WOO-HOO!!!! I am that much close to fully being me!!!!!

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Brunch with B

This past weekend I finally had the chance to catch up with B.

He is back to first shift and loving it.

I am done with a lot of heaving lifting but I wasn't ready for a night out on the town.

Really with being only two weeks removed from surgery at that point 10pm comes and I am out of steam.

We did do lunch on Sunday. This is something we had done quite a few times in the past.

After lunch we descended on a favorite watering hole of his to catch up some more and see some other friends.

I know I surprised him at the restaurant when he saw the new hair color.

Took him a bit but he liked it.

He also took in the fact I was more comfortable with my hoodie being unzipped a little lower.

But the most telling was what he said shortly before I left.

"Kelli, You're different."

"Oh dear what did I do?"

"Oh, you did nothing wrong."

"Then why do you say I am different."

"Because you are. There is the quiet calm confidence about you now."

"Oh because I got a new hair color and boobs?"

"No, I am sure that helps, but that isn't it."


"Maybe it is the fact that for the first time in our entire history together that I go home today and I don't have to change back. That I get to just be me and I am better off for it. There is no anxiety, sadness, or depression to fight anymore."

"That is probably it, I just notice that you are far more relaxed and at ease today than I have ever seen you."

"Is that a good thing?"

"Oh yes. I like it. A lot!"

I love B. He has a way of saying things at just the right time. Even though he probably doesn't even realize that I need it said. (I probably didn't either)

His comment brought a huge smile to my face even though I know I had to leave shortly after I said it.

Yet he is right I am different I probably just don't even notice it.

I do feel it. More so the lack of all the bad stuff I was always dealing with. Which probably always seemed to weight me down. It is all just gone.

It was wonderful to see him again and since then we have already made plans to go out to see his cousin C in a few weeks. He and I will do Friday and Saturday night with her and the DJ.

I am so looking forward to it.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Under The Knife

I recently went in for yet another surgical procedure.

Honestly I am getting tired of doing this, but it is what it is.

Thankfully I am down to only two more and the next one is all done while I am awake.

That last one is a doozy though.

Meanwhile there was something I wanted to get done.

I could have gone without it but honestly I don't think that would have worked for me.

See while on HRT(wow there is a thought I am just a few months shy of three years), I developed in some areas of my body and not others.

Where you ask?

Well my hips and butt filled out really, really well. Though I had unusually hips for a guy before they look wonderful now. I have no complaint at all since it seems most don't experience that.

What didn't happen was my breasts.

Well...I got a little but really I was still very, very flat chested.

Try as I might I was just uncomfortable being that way, so I always was relying on a set of breast forms to fill out my figure.

Honestly it made a huge difference to me and how I felt, plus it just seemed my figure worked better that way. Having something there.

And it didn't need to be big, a full C worked wonders for me, so that is what I decided I would do.

After struggling to find a local doctor who would work with me(as some didn't want to) or I just didn't care for them. I located one on the other side of my home state.

I couldn't have found someone better.

Not only was his consult amazing. I have never been so measured, pinched or prodded. With my arms raised and lowered. Etc.

I was there for nearly two and a half hours.

At the end when I was sitting down with the Doctor, he gave me full explanations of every option available along with what he thought would work the best. He also addressed my concerns about certain approaches to all this. Really he explained everything to me and did his best to make sure I was comfortable with what was going to happen.

Though he did tell me he didn't get many patients like me he did tell me that he wanted the best possible results along with a great experience. Going so far as to tell me if anyone gave me a hard time in the office to: Let. Him. Know. Personally.

I think that statement sold me right there.

I did have to wait for a price afterward but he was really only 10% higher than what I was being quoted elsewhere. If I could get one.

(Honestly, he is one of the top doctors in the country, is developing a new implant, and teaches all over the world. He could easily go to one of the coasts charge more and get it.)

With that I was hooked and I booked my date for the end of January.

As we all know that has come to pass.

So how did it go?

Beyond all my best expectations. This Doctor is not only talented, smart, but passionate about his craft. He truly works hard at getting the best results possible for his patients.

Even in the manner where he brought in a bucket of markers in a rainbow of colors. Using them to mark locations of everything you can thing of regarding a breast augmentation and quite a few you haven't.

Every mark in a different color so as to not confuse them.

I joked with him about if he was going to use 'every' color(honest he must have had thirty or more).

His response was that he didn't know but was certainly going to try. All with a chuckle.

My nurse who handled me throughout the entire process was even more wonderful. Her conversation with me as I woke up and starting to make sure everything was working was one of the sweetest I ever had. I was waking up from anesthesia so I don't recall exact words, I just remember how sweet she was, how extremely supportive she was and how cute a girl she thought I made. Nothing but compliments about how wonderful life should now be for me.

All done while making sure I was comfortable as possible and catering to every need. The constant warm blankets were the best.

The results?

Amazing, even just three weeks out they look wonderful and I know they are only going to get better in the coming months as they settle into their final position and shape.

Add to that the level of completeness I know feel which has been major boost to my confidence.

I don't worry that a shirt maybe low enough to show a area of skin that in the past would have a had me in panic mode. Feeling exposed.

All it needed to be was a sliver.

The more and more I look into the mirror now the less I see of him and the more I see of myself.

I am nearly there and so much the better for it.

Again I could have opted to skip this step and at times I was on the fence about it.

I am so glad I didn't and even more glad I found the surgeon I did.

I owe him just a big hug when I see him for a check up in coming weeks.

P.S. I forgot to mention that on my week one checkup(I saw his current student as he was out of town teaching.) to make sure everything was progressing as planned. That while there I had four people in the office come in and ask how I was doing along with hugs. I swear I cannot believe the positive reactions I have been getting all around. Yet the people in his office have been amazing. All of them.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

The Ugly Truth

I have a secret.

Really there is something I haven't mentioned on this blog.


I am still afraid too and you might think less me after I tell you.


Here goes nothing.

I am not really blonde.


If you can get past the shock and awe that of this declaration. I want to talk to you about it.

My natural color is a rather sandy brown.

I know what the title of my blog is, I frankly picked it for two reasons.

One, I did color my hear blonder because my hair would change from a moderate brown to nearly the color of light sand if I left it alone during the summer.

The issue was my family has a proclivity to turn gray early.

I had reached that point quite a while back.

So I had been slowly adding blonde highlights to it once it became long enough a few years back to the point that I was a solid dirty blonde in hair color.

Second, and more accurately I named this blog the way I did because I liked the play on the old Clint Eastwood movie title. Plus it accurately represented what I thought transition was.

Good moments, Bad moments, and quite a few Blonde(or Duh) moments.

I honestly thought I would keep it and even go blonder after full time.

Right up until last Wednesday.

I can't even claim brown anymore either.

Well not completely.

With a hair transplant procedure pending for late April I thought it might be prudent to pick a color that would blend easier as transplanted hair grew out. Also I know bleaching is rather harsh on the hair.

I brought all this up Wednesday afternoon when I was at my hair appointment with my stylist. Who firmly agreed with the idea. It would make her job easier, my dealing with it easier and hopefully less damaging to my hair.

(You can color it after four weeks you just have to give your scalp time to heal after the procedure.)

However she knew I still wanted something fun and different. So she pulled out her books of coloring ideas and we proceeded to peruse the pages in an attempt to find an idea.

And did we ever find one. I saw an example, I pointed, and said 'how about that?'.


She looked at me a moment.

"Actually I think with your skin tone it would look great on you. You sure?"

I hesitated for just a few moments to really think about it.


Away she went, she did tell me she would cut the secondary color back just a bit so that the overall effected would be subtle. Especially after it washed out at bit.

After sitting nervously in the chair for 15 minutes, freaking when after she washed it out. I really started to grow on me. A lot!

Once I saw it styled out I could not stop grinning it was a huge change for me but I also loved how it looked.

What did I get?

Well if you look at the picture below, that is extremely close. As in it is almost a perfect match. It is mostly brown with a wonderful reddish tone to it.

The response?

Everyone has liked it. Women particularly but I have even gotten a few compliments from guys, including a few at work.

I will be honest I did freak myself out the following morning when I first got up and looked into the mirror. I just wasn't use to it.

And that is my dirty little secret. I am no longer blonde. I now have brownish red hair.

I do hope you call all forgive me.

But I love it and I am keeping it.


Monday, February 13, 2012

Baby, You Can Drive My Car

Near the middle January I was running into a dilemma.

As I mentioned here I had a delay in my name change.

Thus all my credit info was still in my old name.

What is the dilemma?

Well, my car lease was near expiring, not to mention, I was about to cross over my mileage limit.

I knew this was approaching so I tried to deal with it in December. I called the salesman over at the dealership I got the current one from but due to my lease being through a third party(in early 2009 with the financial crisis happening there were not a lot of deals to be found with the US automakers. Seeing as I work indirectly for one I knew it was in my best interest to purchase from that one.) I did not qualify for a number of rebates.

So I had to wait.

Well with the aforementioned lease turn in date getting closer and mileage issue. I kept calling him.

And he kept blowing me off.

I was getting frustrated.

It was about this time I found out one of the other engineers I work with had purchased a new vehicle during our company break over the holidays. I asked if he liked his sales person. He did and later brought in her business card.

After getting blown off a fifth time, I had had enough.

I called her very late on a Monday night. Right near closing time in fact.

Now since I had not changed my name yet(not my fault remember). I did my best to drop my voice, introduce myself as him, and explain the situation regarding the car. I said nothing about me.

Well she stayed on the phone for nearly and hour with me, past the time she would be due to go home. Found a car for me that worked. Had a the payment I wanted (nothing like upgrading your car and paying $85 less a month), she took a credit card to hold it and my info for a credit check. With a promise to call midday on Tuesday, as she had a doctors appointment early, with some final info on numbers.

As promised she did(scary I know, considering my past issues), gave me the final number on what it would take to get the car out the door, told me my credit was approved and I confirmed I would indeed be there around 5pm to pick it up.

There I was, happy to be getting a new car, upgrading features, getting a lower payment and avoiding building up to many miles over my limit.

Just one issue.

Figure it out yet?

That is right I was leaving straight from work to pickup my new car before they closed and I am no longer living as a man.

Yet all the paperwork was in his name.

What to do, indeed.

So what did I do?

Bet you want to know.

I guess I have to tell you don't I?


After I left the office I called her while I was driving to the dealership. I told her I needed to explain something. I went over the whole thing about how I was transsexual and changing from male to female. There there was a delay in my legal name change causing the current issue. That I would look like a girl when I walked in and I would appreciate her referring to me as Kelli.

She seemed ok with it, asked a few quick questions and said she would see me at five.

I had no idea what to expect when I got there.

After pulling in, walking up the receptionist and asking for Teresa, and the receptionist paged her overhead.

This slightly shorter, cheery woman walked up with a quizzical look on her face and asked: "Kelli?"

When I replied yes her eye popped out of her head but she didn't miss a beat. Inviting my over to her desk. Going over some items, getting the final mileage from my old car, to even chatting with me about life and shopping while we waited for the finance guy to free up, so I could get the amount for the check I needed to write to get out the door.

The whole time she referred to me as Kelli or Ms. {Lastname}

Mostly Kelli.

Even the finance guy was superb.

Once we got out to my new car so that she could show me the new features did it really get interesting.

As soon as we were seated inside she blurted this out:

"OMG GIRL!!! I am so glad you told me because I was so confused. Even Monday night when we were on the phone you didn't sound like a guy, yet you were telling me you were one. AND let me just say, this so fits and you look amazing!!! I was stunned when I finally saw you. You are one pretty girl. At that point it all made sense."

I was a little shocked and she continued.

She wanted to know how things where. What was happening, she had some questions about the process, but was great and super happy for me. In fact I was having another surgical procedure at the end of that week (I know I need to tell that story too) which I revealed as we were talking. She told me she would call to check up on me while I was off(which she totally did), and while we were talking shopping she mentioned some great resales stores she knew on her side of town. When I pulled my phone out to take some notes. She waived me off.

"Forget that, when you are up and able again give me a call. We'll go shopping! I take you around and I need some more shopping friends anyway!"

I was shocked. Stunned even. Though since talking to her after that. She has been warm and friendly, along with being near my age(though older) we could relate to a lot of things.

She has been fun to talk to, and I have that shopping trip already coming up in the near future.

My life has been crazy the past few weeks and a total whirlwind at times, but getting reactions like this just make me feel that much better. People are getting it, realizing I am normal and just want to quietly live my life as me. I know there will be some negative, but so far the positive has FAR outweighed the negative.

Did I mention I think I found a new friend and shopping partner?

How cool is that?