Closer to Fine

I am still coming off a cold so I have been a little slow on things.

For example I missed posting something about the fact that I am now two years full time. Holy Father Time where did the last year go?

Crazy, busy, confusing, challenging and exciting. My life has simply exploded in front of me. I had no idea that life could be his enjoyable or fun. That it was possible for me to experience it as I have. Unfiltered with raw exuberance.

There is so much to tell but I will leave it for posts you are about to read. I had started and completed most of these right before the holidays. However my return from Florida after Thanksgiving was overloaded with holiday things to get done that I was never able to proof them and get them ready for prime time.

As I mentioned my recent cold bought finally gave me some down time to get caught up. Which means most of those posts are now scheduled to go over the next couple of weeks.

That should get you significantly caught up on things.

In the mean time I had a chance to think about the last year while talking to a close friend about transition.

As much as there is a relief from going full time. There is still a lot of immediate fallout, headaches, story retelling, out of the loop people who you were unable to get to, and a period of adjustment. You cannot speed it up you just have to let it runs it's course. Over time a lot of these things fade away.

Well if you have been doing your homework and making an effort to build a good life it should hopefully work out that way. It has for me.

While there had been some residual drama, hey I am Trans it is going to happen for a while, it has largely been reduced. My dad for example has finally opened up and started talking to me again. It probably did not hurt that many of my relatives who had met me told him to get over himself. Plus they invite me all the time to things now so it is not like he can avoid me.

My mother has also told me about a number of people who have not yet had the opportunity to meet but want to. I know there is curiosity factor in there but I think some of these people also knew I struggled at times when I was younger. It probably does not hurt that they have been hearing good things from both my mom and others.

My brother is a different matter but as I really do not talk to him anymore it has not been an issue.

Regardless getting the chance to spend a year just being, doing, and enjoying as been profound. The difference between year one and year two has been immense. With all that residual post transition drama to a dull roar I was allowed to just focus on life. Not forcing anything but letting it come to me.

Enough were I forget that I am Trans for the most part. This was made very clear the other night. I was at the pharmacy picking up a new prescription. One of my meds needed to be switched out. Now it is an anti-androgen. Women would not be taking this. However I knew why I was so it did not phase me one bit.

Yet while standing there the pharmacist looks at me. Looks at the script and asks "Is this what you are looking for?

Glancing at the label, "Yes"

"Are you sure?"

"Oh yes."

"Can I ask why you are taking it?

Blink, blink. It occurs to me in that moment that why I would be taking this might not seem like a good idea to him. I was not understanding his hesitation to it. Duh.

"Oh, I am Transgender. I am using it as a Testosterone blocker."

"What? Really? Okay..." His eyes had popped out of his head.

That is right once again I totally shocked someone that I was, in fact, Trans.

You would think that this never gets old.

You would be wrong.

It does actually get old. While I am not afraid or ashamed of stating it, I just feel at times it is not a big deal. It also can get tedious because once I do have to out myself I often have to answer a bunch of follow up questions. Part of me feels I have moved past this, but I understand it still had to be dealt with at times.

I guess for me I just do not feel it is that big a deal anymore. So I get a little annoyed when someone else feels the need to get overly excited or act like it is some kind of earth shattering event.

It is not, I am simply another human being. Yes I took a different path to become who I am today but I am just a person none the less.

Everything is just normal. As you will see in coming posts about the new job and living arrangements among others.

Life not only is good, but has gotten better.

 

Week In Review

I know there are posts that I need to finish, trust me I am working on them but I have been exceedingly busy. When I do finally have time to sit down I have been crashing. Hard.

Most of the time I am either reading for a bit or catching up on a little TV when I finally get some spare time.

(Really I don't even know what spare time is these days. Honestly I am told it exists but like Bigfoot and the Loch ness monster, I am having a hard time believing it does.)

(I DVR Dexter, The Walking Dead, Mythbusters, and Castle. I totally forgot to set a schedule for Once Upon A Time. Told you I have been busy. And yes that is about all I watch regarding TV.)

I do promise to get caught up with my outstanding posts. I know there is a big one everyone wants to read.

There is a friend I owe an email too and I feel bad about it. She probably thinks I have been neglecting her. I haven't but there are times were I have so much other things to focus on that I just don't have enough time in the day.

Who do I have to ask to get the number of hours in a day bummed from 24 to 32.

Better still who do I have to bribe or kill to get 32 hours.

Ran into a little snafu getting my fingerprints taken for my requisite background check so I can legally change my name.

The issue?

My drivers license picture doesn't match me or I don't match it. Which ever works better to your point of view.

The Detective refused since he could no verify I was who I said I was.

I am? Well we know that answer but we still have to prove I was the old person I pretended I was for so long.

Details. Psssh!

Thankfully I had taken the afternoon off so I rushed over to the local DMV office and got my license updated with a new picture. Didn't care too much about what I looked like since it will all get changed again when I change my name.

I will have to wait for the new one to arrive by mail. So I will be back to my local police department next week so I can get printed and checked.

Really if I am not me who is?

Is there someone out there who looks more like me than I do.

This could explain the sudden spikes on my credit cards.

No...wait...that is all me.

Damn.

Crammed in between therapy, electrolysis(can't wait for that to be done). I had to get a flower arrangement sent to the funeral I am not allowed to attend. Return to Nordstroms for a winter coat that I liked.

Not that I decided I wanted it I did but last weekend when I was there with my mom (I know, I know. No need to remind me.) The zipper kept breaking open, it wasn't the size that was an issue just a simple tug on the coat, say putting your hand in your pockets, would cause it. Nordstroms offered to replace the zipper for free. After I had tried on so many coats that day I couldn't say no.

Hence I returned on Saturday to pick it up. Now since I had been running around with other things that day as the boy. I needed to change because Nordstroms had everything registered as Kelli.

The neato part? Well I was rushing right? So quick change of clothing, hair pulled up into a ponytail strung through the hole in the back of a hat. Grabbed my purse and jacket. Out the door I went.

No makeup or anything else whatsoever.

As soon as I walked into the coat department. Ma'am can I help you? No questions. No weird looks.

Really though at least the hard work, pain and effort is showing. A year ago I wouldn't have tried it without a wig, two years ago, without makeup. Yet here I am today using neither and just letting myself be me.

And it worked.

Better still I didn't even think about it or panic.

In addition to having a few sit down talks with my manager again, and my department head. Well things are looking up the both seems to relax a little and were willing to discuss somethings. It is a start regardless.

Just busy, busy, busy.

Oh and in this lack of spare time I need to increase my workout program. I am going to introduce some calisthenics to help with overall fitness and muscle tone. Nothing to build anything up I don't need but I would like to start toning a bit now that my body has been pleasantly adjusted by HRT.

I just want to see if I can trim a little more of the unnecessary deposits off my figure. Plus I have been holding at the higher end of my weight scale so I know I have been carrying more then usual.

I think that is it. I'll have posts coming when I can get some spare time...

...Hahaha, who am I kidding?

C is for Cookie

I've run into a problem.

With my rediscovered ability to eat, I find myself eating things I probably shouldn't.

Or at least I shouldn't eat as much of them as I am.

It really is a case of OMG NOMS!!!

Followed by a lot of...

OM NOM NOM NOM NOM!!!

I get going on something and I just can't seem to stop myself. I want to keep eating because...well...I like food and having had it taken away from me for a while I feel I kind want to make up for lost time.

I would compare it to a long distance relationship. Kind of an absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Only with food.

However I have discovered recently that I have put some weight on.

*GASP*

It doesn't help that I haven't been exercising at my usual levels.

Fortunately I am not packing on the pounds. More accurately I am a little above my ideal weight.

I have been getting back into the routine again. Diligently hitting the treadmill and taking the puppies for walks when I can.

I just need to regain control of my desire to eat and realize something while I am in the throws of a feeding frenzy.

STOP!!!

Yes it really is that simple. I need to remind myself that even though it is nice to eat real things again, I didn't work so hard to loose all that extra weight for no reason.

Remember I don't subscribe to the theory that I have to weight a certain amount for my height.

If that was the case I would have tried to keep loosing weight after surgery. Yet at my lowest I felt skinny and unhealthy. Loosing more would have been a bad thing.

There is just a number that works for me and that is it. I am happy to stay there.

In the meantime please keep the baked goods to yourself.

Today's Fortune

From the cookie I had at a group lunch today.

"The best times of your life have not yet been lived."

Bring out your Dead.

I love using movie references for the titles of my posts!

So what is my point with this one?

Well, a few weeks ago I searching the interwebs to find some events to attend in my local area.

Get out of the house so to speak.

While my eyes scanned the list I had found and entry in the theater section jumped out at me.

Evil Dead: The Musical.

Really?

For real?

Noooo.

Someone turned three campy, gory, and very cheese horror movies into a musical?

Now I am NOT a big horror movie fan. I have seen these movies once, quite a long time ago. But I was stunned that someone turned this into a musical.

So I did want any self respecting geek would do. I googled it.

Low and behold it was true.

And there were YouTube clips.

I was astounded, the samples that I saw were outrageous yet incredibly well done.

Curiosity got the better of me and I found it was playing in a local theater this past Saturday.

I got myself tickets and proceeded to go.

O.M.G!

Now this was a rather smallish limited budget production (I'd love to see this done in a larger venue) but is was still an absolute riot. I laughed, I cried, I cringed, and I laughed some more.

It simply was unlike anything I had ever seen and the musical numbers were amazing and totally off the wall wild.

The whole thing was wickedly creative and down right silly, campy, cheesy fun. With a splash of gore.

It is also defiantly not a show for children or the bashful.

But if you are looking for something different to do, can stand a little camp and bad puns, and you can find a production in your area, I highly recommend it.

I promise you, like it or not, you've never seen anything like it.

Oh, and the signs leading into the theater stated quite plainly: "This production uses large amounts of stage blood. There will be splatter. You have been warned."

They are not kidding, if you want to stay clean I suggest that you NOT sit in the first few rows.

It's always nice to see something new and unique.

Not to mention actually be entertaining.