Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Closer to Fine

I am still coming off a cold so I have been a little slow on things.

For example I missed posting something about the fact that I am now two years full time. Holy Father Time where did the last year go?

Crazy, busy, confusing, challenging and exciting. My life has simply exploded in front of me. I had no idea that life could be his enjoyable or fun. That it was possible for me to experience it as I have. Unfiltered with raw exuberance.

There is so much to tell but I will leave it for posts you are about to read. I had started and completed most of these right before the holidays. However my return from Florida after Thanksgiving was overloaded with holiday things to get done that I was never able to proof them and get them ready for prime time.

As I mentioned my recent cold bought finally gave me some down time to get caught up. Which means most of those posts are now scheduled to go over the next couple of weeks.

That should get you significantly caught up on things.

In the mean time I had a chance to think about the last year while talking to a close friend about transition.

As much as there is a relief from going full time. There is still a lot of immediate fallout, headaches, story retelling, out of the loop people who you were unable to get to, and a period of adjustment. You cannot speed it up you just have to let it runs it's course. Over time a lot of these things fade away.

Well if you have been doing your homework and making an effort to build a good life it should hopefully work out that way. It has for me.

While there had been some residual drama, hey I am Trans it is going to happen for a while, it has largely been reduced. My dad for example has finally opened up and started talking to me again. It probably did not hurt that many of my relatives who had met me told him to get over himself. Plus they invite me all the time to things now so it is not like he can avoid me.

My mother has also told me about a number of people who have not yet had the opportunity to meet but want to. I know there is curiosity factor in there but I think some of these people also knew I struggled at times when I was younger. It probably does not hurt that they have been hearing good things from both my mom and others.

My brother is a different matter but as I really do not talk to him anymore it has not been an issue.

Regardless getting the chance to spend a year just being, doing, and enjoying as been profound. The difference between year one and year two has been immense. With all that residual post transition drama to a dull roar I was allowed to just focus on life. Not forcing anything but letting it come to me.

Enough were I forget that I am Trans for the most part. This was made very clear the other night. I was at the pharmacy picking up a new prescription. One of my meds needed to be switched out. Now it is an anti-androgen. Women would not be taking this. However I knew why I was so it did not phase me one bit.

Yet while standing there the pharmacist looks at me. Looks at the script and asks "Is this what you are looking for?

Glancing at the label, "Yes"

"Are you sure?"

"Oh yes."

"Can I ask why you are taking it?

Blink, blink. It occurs to me in that moment that why I would be taking this might not seem like a good idea to him. I was not understanding his hesitation to it. Duh.

"Oh, I am Transgender. I am using it as a Testosterone blocker."

"What? Really? Okay..." His eyes had popped out of his head.

That is right once again I totally shocked someone that I was, in fact, Trans.

You would think that this never gets old.

You would be wrong.

It does actually get old. While I am not afraid or ashamed of stating it, I just feel at times it is not a big deal. It also can get tedious because once I do have to out myself I often have to answer a bunch of follow up questions. Part of me feels I have moved past this, but I understand it still had to be dealt with at times.

I guess for me I just do not feel it is that big a deal anymore. So I get a little annoyed when someone else feels the need to get overly excited or act like it is some kind of earth shattering event.

It is not, I am simply another human being. Yes I took a different path to become who I am today but I am just a person none the less.

Everything is just normal. As you will see in coming posts about the new job and living arrangements among others.

Life not only is good, but has gotten better.



Miz Know-It-All said...

Simple answer to all of this, stop telling!The androgen blocker, there are several issues that affect natal women that can cause excessive levels of androgens. Google PCOS for one, as to all these people you and your family are telling? Stop doing it!yes it feels good to come clean after carrying that burden alone for so long. Or should I say, it feels good now... Because what you are doing is sacrificing your future for a feel good moment now! With every single person you tell you loose all control on who they are going to tell,and they are going to tell lots and lots of people! And as you are starting to realize, this is your business and no one else's, period! So stfu! Shooting yourself in the foot is NEVER the smart move!

Kelli Bennett said...

It is one thing to have a differing opinion. It is another to present one in such a condescending and belligerent manner.

Yes, you are entitled to your opinion. However that does not make it the only opinion or necessarily the "right" one. It also means I can disagree with it. Which I do.

There are many methods and issues to deal with before, during and after transition. They are unique to each person, for different reasons, even though the base story is often comparable.

We all, however, need to take in these unique needs and concerns, and base how we approach them to how we as an individual feel we should.

I often tell other trans people that I do not have the answers. Simply my story of how I did it. They can then take from it what they will and can.

As I transitioned I found that no one person had all the answers for me. I took the portions of each story I heard that was similar to something I was experiencing and used that. Even if I was learning a less than ideal method. I had to frame things that I felt best worked for me and my situation.

Of which you know nothing beyond what I post here.

Back to the original point. While I do not have all the answers, I do have my story I am telling as best I can. I am always open for discussion and critique. If it is done in a polite and respectful manner.

Neither of which you have done. Rather you decided to come here and berate and belittle my comments. Then proceed to badger me around with your superior attitude. Acting like nothing more than a common internet troll, hiding behind their anonymity while craving attention.

If you cannot present your opinion with some level of restraint and exhibit a least a modest amount of respect, I will be force to not only delete your ravings. I will find a method of banning or moderating you out of the conversation.

This is not up for discussion or debate. This is my blog and while, I welcome others to contribute, I will not tolerate your contentious antics.

Your attitude is the issue here and nothing you can say at this point will change that. You comments are unproductive, destructive, and mean spirited. Nor have you earned any respect from me to actually listen to what you have to say. Adopting your position that you are ultimately right with simply shouting down at everyone is not a way to do it. You are not my mother, friend or anyone with any value to me. Others I have met and talk to via this blog have earned that right. Simply because they can have a healthy discussion even if they disagree.

You obviously cannot so please take your issues, attitude opinions elsewhere.

Cassidy said...

Hi hon!

What a wonderful, upbeat post! So, so happy for you. You have earned your happiness. Well, other than failing to grasp the superiority of the Bruins and Red Sox. (Hey, no one is perfect.)

Very much looking forward to your forthcoming posts! Have a great weekend, sweetie. :D

Hugs & love,