Monday, December 21, 2009

Kelli 101

Ok, so as we all know I do not yet live full time.

Though the intention to do so is there.

I will tell you that I have been planning my diabolical scheme for quiet sometime.

Granted it will interfere with my desire for global domination.

Really, who wouldn't want to be Queen of the World?

But I am digressing.

I will tell you however that I have been putting certain things into motion.

Along with being in the planning stage for a few others.

I might have mentioned this in bits and pieces in previous posts, but I figured I would gather them all up here and give you an idea of where I intend to go.

First I starting therapy almost two years ago.

I had been fighting my feelings since I was a child, but in the few years before therapy I simply was losing the battle. I felt it was time to talk to someone about them finally.

(I had the chance when I was much younger and I completely chickened out, and I mean chickened out, tail between my legs. It was this moment that had me so ashamed and scared that I made the conscious effort to bury them. I would put myself around 13)

So on the a recommendation I called the therapist I now have.

And that turned out to be a match that could not have gone better. For one she is known as a tough letter. She is not going to form an opinion of you in a session or two and give her stamp of approval. She mentioned this right up front in case I was looking for the fast track. I wasn't, I wanted someone to question me, challenge me, listen, observe, suggest and offer a little guidance.

But I did not want someone to tell me what I should do.

I got all that and then some.

She has let me draw my own conclusions, come to accepting myself for who I am. Yet made sure I was being smart and intelligent about it.

She is rather proud of how thoroughly and carefully I have gone about all this. At this point I think she is just waiting for me to initiate full time. She has mentioned she doesn't see any reason for me to not transition.

Which leads me to the point at which she offered a letter for HRT so that I could start hormones.

It took some time to find a Doctor. But I found one familiar with the process. Has helped a number of girls and I felt comfortable with him.

Let me tell you the local University Trans programs was a huge disappointment.

I have now been on them for seven months and I honestly can say I have never felt better. Except for the fact that the longer I am on them the more I chafe at playing the role of a man.

That is has been covered already.

Moving along I was able to find a quality laser hair removal clinic (for those looking please stay away from IPL, trust me).

After 3 sessions I am seeing fantastic results. I would guess 70% of my facial hair is gone if not more.

I have two more left after that I will probably have to clear anything up with electrolysis.

As for the plan to fully transition and yes I do intend to. I know I have to live full time as a woman.

I will have to make some changes do facilitate this as I don't want to rely on the wigs I have been using and makeup(though that part has gotten much better with the hair removal.)

The goal is to be able to wake up in the morning, brush my hair, wash my face, maybe throw on a little gloss and walk out the door. With John Q. Public not being the wiser.

So I am planning on some facial surgery to help facilitate this. I don't think I need a heavy amount of work, but there are some areas that need to be addressed. I met with a few of the surgeons at SCC this year and I wasn't impressed with most of them. Their approach seemed too aggressive. I did meet one there who I've seen his work both before and after and he does a wonderful job. Plus he didn't tell me what he was going to do, but actually asked what I wanted. Then and only then did he add his opinions. Which were really just some tweaks he felt were needed to tie everything in together.

I am looking into a second doctor located in the Chicago area who doesn't advertise his work in the trans arena. Yet he does quite a few cases and the work I have seen is outstanding. So I am trying to setup a consult with him to get more info. But he liked the sample pictures I sent him along with being in agreement with what I wanted to do. Along with tempering how much to do.

I love that approach.

The rest is trying to plan how to move forward with my life. I have a feeling I am going to have to do most of this on my own. I feel I will have too much resistance from those around me (at least the ones how know me as him) to complete this successfully. I may get some support but I simply have decided that it isn't going to be there and prepared myself for such.

I am good with that. I don't mind starting over and rebooting my life. As long as I am me in the end that is all that matters.

This covers it for now I think. I will post more when I have it.


Jessica Lyn said...

I too had an opportunity to talk with a therapist when I was younger.. but I too did not talk about the real me. I was too scared to let anyone know at that point.. and really still am. Only a select few I have told.

I'm rather jealous of how far along you are into your transition.. it feels like a million miles away... when I should be right there as well.

I thought laser hair removal was not as permanent as electrolysis? And more expensive? I want to start getting rid of my facial hair and need to determine which way to go.

Debra said...

Good for you girl for taking your time and figuring things out.

I tended to rush in a little bit and even now, I feel like everything's going so slow but I'm trying to learn patience.