Friday, January 22, 2010

You can't fool everyone all of the time.

A long time ago shortly after I graduated HS I met someone who as long been a very important person in my life.

I was working in an office at a media distribution company. I handled support calls for the field reps who managed client's store inventories.

Shortly after I started working in the department the girl on the other side of the cube wall from me introduced herself. She apparently knew someone from a previous department I had worked in while I was a co-op student. This third person mentioned that I was working upstairs and obviously had some good things to say about me.

She introduced herself (I'll call her J) and mention who it was that had mentioned me, while walking out of the office one day. She literally was walking in front of me and whipped around and said you must be <blank>, so and such mentioned you and my name is J.

Well it didn't take long for either of us to start chatting on regular basis. She was after all just over the cube wall and it wasn't a big deal to chat over it, while still getting your work done.

It didn't take us long to become fast friends. We were a lot alike, funny, snarky, friendly, feisty, outgoing(when I let myself), facetious, and sarcastic. But still very much a woman. Though I kept the cute, and girly part to myself.

We went to lunch quite frequently together to get a break from the office.

We used to joke and laugh, talk about relationships, etc. I only worked with her for just over a year but if it was not for her that job would have really sucked.

So even after I left for greener pastures we stayed in touch. After she had a bad breakup with her first love, we started hanging out together. Movies, the mall, dinner, I even became her go to wedding date. Everyone thought we had some fling going on and off. But really we were just good friends. While we totally got along and enjoyed each others company, there just was never any interest beyond being friends. I would even consider her the sister I never had.

She is also one of the few people I could be more of myself around. I still was careful about things, but I was far more relaxed when it was just her and I.

She dated, I dated, I got engaged. She then got engaged. Mine fell apart before the big day hers went forward. Still we talked when we could, finding the occasional day or lunch to meeting to catch up on everything.

I then got engaged again and actually got married. She had a daughter and her marriage fizzled. Sadly it was shortly after this her and I didn't talk much. I think she was angry at the male population in general and I was in the wrong packaging.

I don't begrudge her this at all. One thing she did have was a temper. I hardly, if ever saw it, but it was there and it was tremendous. So I think she just needed her time to let the anger and pain fade.

Plus I had so many things on my plate at times that I really didn't even have time for myself much let alone other people.

Yet at any point, if she called needing an ear, or help I would have always dropped everything and been there for her. Friends like her don't come along every day.

I did see her on and off over the last few years. Usually with me being accompanied. Yet recently I had the chance to see her for lunch one day. Just her and I. We had a great time reminiscing about the old days, discussing current events and just generally enjoying each other company. I honestly don't think I have laughed with a friend or enjoyed their company like that in a long time.

Still I found out later after that she talked to my partner in crime. (Those two have been fairly good friends since meeting.) J made mention of my appearance. This was the first time she had seen me with all my weightloss, longer hair and 6 months of hormones. Since it had been quite some time since I last saw her in person.

To which she made the comment that was relayed to me. "Well he is starting to look kind of gay and honestly I always thought he might be bisexual."

<blink blink>

I was shocked. Truly. I had no idea that anyone for the longest time suspected anything. I do know that people have been wondering about me lately, but then I haven't been doing the best job in the entire world keeping it all under wraps. Mostly it is my appearance changing that triggers anything but I realized that I can't do much about that. It will also get worse when I undergo Facial surgery to correct some of the flaws I do have.

Still knowing who it came from totally surprised me. I mean all these years. The fun times, the sad times and I had no clue she ever thought anything out of the ordinary.

I don't know what will happen when I tell her and I will. She is one friend so near and dear to my heart I am afraid to lose her most of all.

She has always struck me as fairly open minded. So I am hoping for the best.

But it just goes to show how true the statement 'You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time.' really is.


Leslie Ann said...

I think the important thing to remember is that, while she suspected you were keeping a secret, it made no difference in the way she treated you. She never pushed you to tell her what was up, though I'm sure she wanted to know. That's a good friend.

Kelli Bennett said...

Oh absolutely that totally crossed my mind as I wrote this. Still you never know what is going to happen when you start disclosing your function. So I continue to subscribe to the theory "Prepare for the worst, yet hope for the best."

It's worked so far.