Monday, June 14, 2010

The Day the Earth Stood Still

As you may know I was supposed to tell my parents about me yesterday.

So I imagine everyone is wondering if it indeed happened.

Or if something caused it not to happen.


It did happen.

I am still in a bit of shock today, which is a reason I didn't post last night. I was still trying to grasp what has happened. Along with what still could happen.

I don't think it has sunk in yet just how my life has changed.

Though it has.

When you think about it life goes on as normal today. Yet it is different.

However before I tease you anymore let me tell you what happened.

I ran my errands in the morning, went home, showered and left for their place around noon.

We went to lunch, talked about mundane things mostly. Though my mother was aware something was up and had been for a while.

She pressed me at lunch to talk about it, but I asked her to wait until we got back to their house to tell them there. I did make it known I would tell them.

Once there I gave them the letters after I told them my need for privacy and expected nothing in return once they read it. I simply wanted them to know, they didn't have to make a decision on it.

Then I let them read it.

I tried to stay in the room but I couldn't. I left and let their dog out. I walked back into the adjacent room and tried not to cry. Though I was shaking like a leaf.

I do believe that was one of the longest fifteen minutes of my life.

[Editors note: Now my parents were an interesting case. My Mom is opinionated and sometimes difficult to deal with. Still she is a good person but she doesn't always think before she speaks. Still she was also supportive even if difficult at times. We had our famous battles. It was her who influenced my love of reading and art.

My Dad is stubborn and stoic, yet funny and has always been very supportive and educational. I share my Dad's sense of humor and his inquisitive nature.

I get my 'can do, do it yourself' attitude from both of them.

Might have a lot to do with being raise in a very middle class Midwestern family.]

With that in mind I walked back into the room. Dad left for a moment to let the dog in, came back and then came the answer.

Mom expressed her love for me 100%, she knows I will change but I will always be her child and would except me for whom ever I was as long as I was happy. We both cried and hugs I was stunned.

She also told me that She had the notion that I was different since I was a child. Yet didn't know how to get it out of me what it was. She figured it was up to me to figure it out and decide what I wanted to do about it.

She seemed to be more aware of what was coming than I would have guessed. She knew surgeries and whatnot were going to take place. Not so much the details, but was simply aware.

I think She stunned me the most by telling me she was upset it took me this long to figure myself out and that she wished I would have done it much sooner.

As for my Father, well...he didn't take it as well. Granted his reaction wasn't entirely unexpected. He had nothing to say, was visibly upset and left the house shortly after reading the letter.

In his defense he had a meeting that afternoon and I just think he wanted to get away from it. He doesn't cope with bad news very well. My Mother is aware of this and will slowly work to try and bring him around. Though she made no promises.

She just realized he needed to go and would deal with it.

Her and I talked for about an hour and a half after that. About a number of things but I tried not to get too heavy with details. I just tried to keep it to general stuff and talked about things I have experienced and worked at. Along with give her an idea about how difficult things have been for me over the years.

She told me she was proud I had a good therapist and worked so intently at trying to work the problem out.

She emphatically stated she didn't want me to go anywhere before I left but understood my need to break free from those that might impede my progress, including family.

In the end I am surprised at what did happen and how different I feel today. Even though I don't think I am fully aware of what has changed. A huge burden has been lifted and I think today I feel better about my future.

All I can do is wait to see what is going to happen with my Dad. I never wanted to lose either of my parents to this, but I knew it could happen.

Still far to early to say for sure what the actual result will be. I can simply prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

It was a day of days.

Right now things feel as if they suddenly lurched forward rather quickly.


...strangely, some reason, I still feel like I am waiting for the world to start moving forward again.


Jerica Truax said...

I'm soooo glad to hear it went so well with your mom, girl. I hope your dad can wrap his head around it and accept you too. *hugs*

<3 Jerica

Stace said...

I'm really pleased it went so well with your mum.

My mum told me I should have told her sooner (we were discussing it this week in fact) and we can have some great discussions now when on the phone.

It took my dad a little while to get there though. he still talked with me, but never about *that* until a few weeks ago. Give hime time and just make sure that you show him you are still you!

As I said, really happy for you!


Laura Bennett said...

Congrats Kelli :)

Huge girl, just huge!

Melissa said...

Congratulations on finally giving your parents the "Breaking News!"

I'm not surprised that your mom was immediately on you side. Women other than spouses, seem to have a much easier time with acceptance. Your father on the other hand, has been dealt a heavy blow. He has the whole macho personality, male ego thing to overcome. He will have to find a way to explain to all of his male friends and acquaintances, that his son wants to be a girl. That will be hard, and he will probably worry that he will somehow be seen as a failure, for not making a man out of you. He is going to need all your love and assurance that you were born this way, and that it has nothing whatsoever to do with him. Knowing the gifts he gave you, I'm sure you appreciate that, and will give him the time and assurances he needs to come around.

Melissa XX

Jessica Lyn said...

OMG the suspense was killing me yesterday, I must have checked this blog like 7-8 times to see it you posted because I was so worried, curious, nervous and excited for you all at once.

I had a feeling your mom would be fine with it (same thoughts as Melissa). I think I've told you this before, but my mom was supportive as well at first and probably still is, however she doesn't really talk about it so much right now.. maybe because I haven't yet started transitioning and because my brother lives with her now and he doesn't yet know.

I haven't actually told any guys about me, though a friend of mine did tell her boyfriend (whom I've gotten to know over the years) and he's totally fine with me. It's my brother I'm worried about telling.

Anyway, I am so happy to hear it went well and I think it will only get better with time. Congrats girl!


Kelli Bennett said...

lol I am glad everyone had such faith in my mother. Cause let me tell you I didn't.

My Mom, can be extremely difficult at times and I don't always know what is going to cause it.

Trust me people who know my mother wonder how I deal with her sometimes. So it was a big concern.

Jessica Lyn said...

I have a feeling your relationship with her will be on a whole level now though. I mean you'll be able to get your nails done together, go shopping, and talk about general girl stuff, yes she will still be a pain in the ass sometimes but you two will be closer than ever now.