Monday, October 12, 2009

And so it begins

No I haven't officially started my transition. As in coming out to work, announcing it to family and friends. I still need time to undo 34 years of living as a boy and some of those changes aren't going to take place overnight.

I am ok with this for now, but I know it will become an issue soon. I can feel the push from inside to just get it all done now.

But that is for a different day and a different post.

Something else is happening though.

As I let things change I have noticed they are starting to affect how people view me.

One that is taking place is that I am growing my hair out.

Now I have mentioned in the past I kept it short.

Really Short.

The Marines would have been proud.

Over the last almost year and a half I have let it grow. Going every 6 weeks or so to just neaten it up and try and keep it presentable.

Granted I still have this wonderful tall square hairline. Which will have to get changed.

But something has been occurring over the last few weeks.

On the weekends, being an early riser, I brush it out in the morning and drop a hat on it until I can get home and wash it or just rinse it out. This hides where the hairline is located but allows the length in the back to stick out. I usually take the dogs for a walk, come home, grab my accomplice and head to breakfast and/or errands.

Well the last few weeks have been interesting. When you add in the length of my hair, the fact that my eyebrows are now a very feminine shape, my somewhat feminine features, and much less facial hair. Then you hide that hairline under the brim and...

...well I am getting Ma'amed. Or hearing "I'll be with you ladies in a second." And the brand new one this weekend when using a membership card at a local bulk warehouse.

"Is he here today?"

I responded: "Why yes I am."

Many of these people take a hard second look at me then apologize.

Not that I am upset about it. Far from it. It tells me things are heading in the direction I not only want them too, but need them too.

But it again shows me that while my appearance is starting to work in my favor. People still can figure out that it is indeed a man standing in front of them.

Work will still need to be done, I don't doubt this. One big issue is the hair. While my hairline isn't thinning anymore, in fact it is showing new growth, the overall shape of it screams man. But it has been like that for the longest time. Even pre-puberty. Tall foreheads run in the family. So when I disguise that fact under a hat, people need to take a second look.

I guess I just wasn't expecting this so soon.

But I am going to enjoy it even if it irritates others.

Because slowly I am seeing myself become me.

And that is what matters.