The last two weeks couldn't have felt more turbulent if I tried.
Starting with telling my friend J about me.
Sob.
Getting some great news about surgical financing.
Yay!
Scheduling exactly that for the very early part of next year.
Super Yay!
Learning what I am going to have to do in perpetration for said event.
Ouch!
Getting a surprise call from my brother the night before thanksgiving. He gets big kudo's for talking to me.
Wow!
Having him ask me some rather poorly worded questions. Along with the wrong ideas of why I am doing this.
Oof!
Dealing with my parents and an Aunt who doesn't know on Thanksgiving day.
Ugh!
My inlaws the following.
Double Ugh!
Having a wonderful and one of the best nights of my life on Saturday with one of my favorite peeps in B.
YES!
Even though we did attend a rather straight xmas party that he didn't know was going to be so John Q. Straight. We laughed about it in the end.
Weird.
Plenty of bar hoping, dancing and fun later.
Whoo-hooo!
B saying one of the sweetest things he has ever told me, and it doesn't even sound nice when you hear it but it meant the world to me.
Awww!
Leading into one of the biggest collapses I ever had on Sunday.
Thud!
This one was bad.
Really bad.
It started early in the morning, I rebounded somewhat and attempted some retail therapy to perk myself up.
Only to end up crying in the mall because I was there as him.
I was a total mess.
Though I did learn about the amazing restorative powers of a hot bath and bubbles. Immediately followed up with some ice cream. I was able to end the night feeling ok.
At the least I didn't feel anywhere nearly as bad as I did.
I would not say I feel wonderful though.
It also doesn't help that my Mom has been rather pushy lately as to how, when and why I am doing some things. Really, this is my transition and I knew my mother was quite capable of this. I just don't need someone telling me what to do right now.
Hopefully I can find some times to de-stress some more this week and try and deal with some of these feelings.
Transitioning is currently living up to the billing as not being easy.
Though I never expected it to be.
It would be nice however if I could get things to calm down, even just a little bit.
Because I am getting tired of dealing with one mess after another.
5 comments:
Wow I'm dizzy after reading that post! Are we headed up again or down now? I'm so confused...lol.
You are so resilient my dear. I may have to nickname you flubber now... :D
Much luv Princess :)
xoxo
I'm happy that you have your financing and a time set for your work.
I love the way you wrote this post! It was fun, entertaining, and easy for a dimwit like me to read!
Try to keep your head above water, dear. I'm cheering for you!
Good Post!
But leaves me wondering what B said to you and not so much what questions you brother asked (as I think we know) but rather how he responded to the answers... any further details Flubber? ;)
(Hugs)
It seems that lots of people are on a roller coaster at the moment...
here's hoping to get back onto the straight and narrow again.
Stace
LOL my sister and her nicknames for me. I can deal with Princess Sis, but I draw the line at flubber!
As for B's comment, well as it happened after the bonfire back in late August a gay friend of his showed up late while I was still there. B had pulled me aside into another room to talk privately for a moment after which we came out and I left.
Well said person proceed to bash me for being trans as I was outed by B's then boyfriend at the time.
It wasn't pretty what was said. But B told me this:
"That was such BS we all get discriminated against and you are one of the most amazing people not to mention friend I have! You don't deserve #$@! like that. We don't need to discriminate each other. I was so upset that I haven't talked to him since."
As I said it was an ugly story but surprised me how he felt about not only that but me.
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