Following along many of you should know that I am not full time yet.
In fact I spend most of my time in boy mode sadly.
The hard part about that fact is how much harder it has become.
I mean really, my hair is starting to touch my shoulders. I have no facial hair anymore or at least at all visible. So I do a lot with clothing. As for my hair I part it in the middle and try to blow dry it to sweep back over my ears. Though it does hang a little loose. I hate using too much gel to plaster it down.
Plus it isn't long enough yet to effectively wear it in a pony tail pulled back. Close but not quite.
Add in how much my face has softened and changed I can only imagine what other are thinking.
What does all this have to do with this post?
I am about to tell you.
It deals with the men's room.
I have never really been comfortable with public ones. Yet nature is going to call. Especially when you are on Spironolactone and wanting to...well...go a LOT!! (It has been the only negative side affect I have experienced.)
Fortunately here at work I am on the first floor of the auxiliary building.
Which means other then the datacenter, small cafeteria, lobby and conference rooms, the only people on this level is the IT department.
Which is only twenty people. Oh, and the security desk.
Meaning I can get in and out quickly doing my business and generally not have to encounter anyone.
I might hate going in there but I would rather take care of things then do anything else.
Even if I get company it is someone from the department and nothing really happens.
Today though we had an incident.
I had gone in to do my business, was finished, had washed my hands, and was drying them. Before I could leave, what I can only describe as a building visitor walked in. Now when you come in you head to either the left to the sink (where I was) or right to the commodes. He glanced to his left, saw me. Which caused it to jump with his eyes popping out of his head. Leading to the following exchange.
"OMG!! Have I walked into the ladies room?"
(Now I was startled, though I realized quite quickly what was going on)
"Um, no you are in the right one."
(Looking at me again.)
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, quite sure."
I started going for the door. (I was done at this point.)
"Wow that hair and face...(he was looking around the other corner at this point obviously trying to make sure he was indeed in the right washroom.)
"Yeah, I get that a lot, but you are in the right one."
Said as I headed out the door. I really didn't want to stick around any longer and hopefully he relaxed. I would hate to see him out of sorts with his meeting or whatever while he was there.
I guess this confirms what others have said to me lately about my so called boy mode. Including my therapist. That I am really not passing very well as a boy.
A reaction like this, however was a first.
Life is becoming really interesting.
In fact I spend most of my time in boy mode sadly.
The hard part about that fact is how much harder it has become.
I mean really, my hair is starting to touch my shoulders. I have no facial hair anymore or at least at all visible. So I do a lot with clothing. As for my hair I part it in the middle and try to blow dry it to sweep back over my ears. Though it does hang a little loose. I hate using too much gel to plaster it down.
Plus it isn't long enough yet to effectively wear it in a pony tail pulled back. Close but not quite.
Add in how much my face has softened and changed I can only imagine what other are thinking.
What does all this have to do with this post?
I am about to tell you.
It deals with the men's room.
I have never really been comfortable with public ones. Yet nature is going to call. Especially when you are on Spironolactone and wanting to...well...go a LOT!! (It has been the only negative side affect I have experienced.)
Fortunately here at work I am on the first floor of the auxiliary building.
Which means other then the datacenter, small cafeteria, lobby and conference rooms, the only people on this level is the IT department.
Which is only twenty people. Oh, and the security desk.
Meaning I can get in and out quickly doing my business and generally not have to encounter anyone.
I might hate going in there but I would rather take care of things then do anything else.
Even if I get company it is someone from the department and nothing really happens.
Today though we had an incident.
I had gone in to do my business, was finished, had washed my hands, and was drying them. Before I could leave, what I can only describe as a building visitor walked in. Now when you come in you head to either the left to the sink (where I was) or right to the commodes. He glanced to his left, saw me. Which caused it to jump with his eyes popping out of his head. Leading to the following exchange.
"OMG!! Have I walked into the ladies room?"
(Now I was startled, though I realized quite quickly what was going on)
"Um, no you are in the right one."
(Looking at me again.)
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, quite sure."
I started going for the door. (I was done at this point.)
"Wow that hair and face...(he was looking around the other corner at this point obviously trying to make sure he was indeed in the right washroom.)
"Yeah, I get that a lot, but you are in the right one."
Said as I headed out the door. I really didn't want to stick around any longer and hopefully he relaxed. I would hate to see him out of sorts with his meeting or whatever while he was there.
I guess this confirms what others have said to me lately about my so called boy mode. Including my therapist. That I am really not passing very well as a boy.
A reaction like this, however was a first.
Life is becoming really interesting.
9 comments:
Very validating, yet also scary. If you were somewhere other than work this could've ended very badly. I think your days of using the boy's room are just about over.
Awwww wow yeah I'd say validating but scary. Probably more scary in the moment, validating when you think about it later =)
You are trying to pass as a male?
Huh, Some girls have all the luck!!
Good for you! It is good isn't it? The validation? If something like this happened to me, I would be smiling for the rest of the day. No one would understand why!
However, I do understand that the duality in your life has to continue until the time is right for you. Until then.....
YOU GO GIRL!!!!!
I'm glad it was a relatively positive experience for you. I get this from time to time in public restrooms as well, especially from little kids. I was once standing at the urinal and a little kid walks in, looks at me (I can see him reflected), looks around, asks me if I'm a girl, I'm tempted to answer correctly, but I just say, "no". He is apparently unsatisfied with the answer and just stands and stares at me until I'm done doing my business! At about this time, his dad comes in, and the kid says excitedly, "that lady says she's a boy." I don't hear the rest of the conversation, but am curious what his dad told him.
Congratulations, and bad luck...
Part of me wants to say 'oh to have that problem' and the other half see's the problems associated.
Hope you didn't let affect your day negatively either!
Stace
Other then the awkwardness of the actual moment, and the slightly guilty feeling of having unnerved the poor fellow. It did indeed have me smiling the rest of the day.
It tells me that all the effort and time it has taken to slowly change physical appearance is starting to pay off. Really if you go back to when I started losing weight I have been at this for three and a half years. That is physically changing my appearance. It is the approach that I needed to take. There was no way I was going to be a fast transitioner.
Wow, that must've blown your mind. I'm in the exact same predicament. I'm going full time in January, but my hair is so thick now, and my face apparently is softening very nicely, electro is working very well and I'm dropping all of my male socialisms.... It's definitely going to get more uncomfortable going forward till I hit the appointed time, so I definitely can sympathize. I just wrote a post this morning on my blog relating the same.. A coworker I had not really seen for a week or so says to me yesterday, "what the he'll happened to your head? You look like a girl.". All I could do to keep walking and not stop and say thanks!
Best of luck going forward..
~ Keri
Wow.. that is indeed good and bad.. but as mentioned, at least you were at work. You might want to think about going fulltime outside of work if you're looking having a hard time passing as a boy now.
As I've stated before, I havent yet started transitioning, but I just started a new job and with all these new people around, I'm thinking I may just be honest with them about me, if anyone asks anyway. The good thing about the building where we're at is that there is a family restroom as well... and I'm thinking having that 3rd restroom option will come in handy.
I said it before and I will say it again. Anyone at your work that does not know that you are transitioning, is an idiot! You are already a beautiful lady!
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