Thursday, January 6, 2011

Swimming Up Stream

There was one small incident during the holidays that I forgot to mention.

It was rather small but it has lingering in the back of my mind.

My Brother called me on Christmas Eve, he was feeling lonely and melancholy. It isn't my fault that he moved six hundred plus miles into the middle of nowhere after his divorce.

I still talk to him but he can be difficult. He is like Mom in that regard only worse.

Still we talk about things he is doing, which considering where exactly he lives is not a whole heck of a lot at this time of year. Other than working, eating and staying warm.

Though our one common bond is our fierce passion for the hometown hockey team. It is indeed the things we discuss the most. 

The part that surprised me was the amount of emotions he displayed. Really I had not hear or seen that in him in twenty-six years.

He is feeling alone, missing his family and sons, and I am sure my issue, now that he knows, isn't helping matters. Also Christmas Eve has always been the bigger of the two days regarding the gathering of family. Which I am sure was adding to the mood.

The frustrating part was that through all that, the sympathy and kindness I showed him so he would feel better was lost when he made a comment to me about my  issue, that though he might have thought he was being funny, was not. It clearly showed his male point of view along with that he is really not getting it at all.

It was vulgar, tasteless and crude. 

I didn't get into it with him as I was having a hard time preparing myself to visit family for Christmas eve. These would be the same ones that dropped this fun one on me last year. 

I did inform him that the comment was not appreciated and that he wasn't understanding that was not the reason I was doing this. 

Sadly he stuck to his opinion. 

Maybe with time he will understand, but the man has a bad habit of not seeing the issue(It is a big reason he is now divorced) or not wanting to until it is too late. 

Death by avoidance if you will. 

I will keep trying but I cannot hold his hand forever. He either he comes to terms with it eventually and accepts me for a human being, not necessarily his sister, or it will be another lost relationship for him. As I won't tolerate this attitude if he wants to continue with it long term.

Fear not I have not written him off, but I can tell this will be another difficult road.

It does make all this feel very much like you are trying to swim upstream with everything rushed back at you trying to slow you down.


Jessica Lyn said...

Well it's hard to comment about it since I don't know what exactly he said (and I'm not asking you either), but maybe his joking could be sort of his way of trying to come to terms with it, in his own way. I could be wrong, but he seems a lot like my brother and my brother always makes fun of things he doesn't understand.

I swear his whole life he's made fun of me since I'm the younger brother, but within the past few years that has stopped since he sees how successful I am doing. I do fear that once I tell him about me, he will once again begin the name calling and making light of my issue, just as your brother is.

Stace said...

As with Jessica, I'm not sure what I can say without knowning more (and that is not a fishing trip).

Just hoping the best for you.


Kelli Bennett said...

LOL in a nutshell it was just a comment that left no doubt in my mind that he thinks I am doing this to satisfy a sexual or clothing fetish.

That is so not the case.

Jessica Lyn said...

Well clearly he doesn't understand (sex is the most typical thing everyone thinks this is about), but the fact that he is talking about it, good comment or bad, means that he is coming to terms. I can't even get my mom to talk about it, so your brother is a step ahead... just need to move him in the right direction!

This is going to be a great year for you; the year you finally get to be yourself.. and no one can take that away from you, no matter how bad the comment is. I know you know that, but I just wanted to say it. We love you Kelli, and we will always be here for you if you need us. And in a way, your blog is here when I need you! It truly does help me to cope with my own transition. So thanks!

Gina Lee said...

Like you said, he is divorced for a reason. And my guess is that he is not the one who asked for the divorce. Unfortunately, we don't have the ability to choose our family. Family members can certainly say the most hurtful things. Sigh..