Friday, January 21, 2011

Positively Hurting

Yesterday I received a letter from my Father.

He and I have hardly spoken since the day I told him. 

Usually the only reason he talks to me now is to ask me to solve a problem on his computer. 

That is not very often either.

I understand he is hurting and confused. 

Explaining what being transsexual to some one else is like trying to explain to someone else what it is like to walk on the moon. 

Only someone who has eprienced it first hand will ever really know what it is like. 

Though I will give credit to those who at least try to wrap their head around it. At least they are making the effort. 

Getting back to the letter. 

Remember this is a post about a letter my father had written too me. 

I cannot give details or post the contents but some of the things that were said hurt me in return. 

Right now I don't know if I will ever be able to repaire the relationship between us.

I get that it is going to take a lot of work and effort on both our parts. 

Thought based on what he said I am not even sure he is willing to come to the table to talk. At least not now. 

To close it all off he basically told me he did not want to know what I was going to do and frankly asked me to not do it. 

In the end I was hurt, I cried, and took some time to gather my thoughts as to what I was going to talk to my mom about. 

As she found out about it and was given a copy of the letter to read. It just so happened she found out the day I happened to recieve it. 

Even though it did hurt, some good advice I got was that it was a positive. 

Which indeed it is. 

I cannot argue that. 

I have been waiting for something to happen with him. I just knew I couldn't force it. Not yet at least. 
It is what it is, his emotions finally coming out. Good or bad I got something from him.

How will I respond?

I don't know yet. I am taking my time with this one. I need to let the emotions of the moment pass a bit and then look at this with a calmer frame of mind. 

It is just strange how a bad reaction can be considered a positive event.


Stace said...

Sorry he's taking it this badly. I hope that he comes around.


Jessica Lyn said...

I think you are right about letting some time pass but you also need to be true to yourself and be firm about when you do respond. He needs to know that this is your life and you only want to be who you really are. Reminds me of that Shinedown song I told you about.

Tell my mother, tell my father
That I've done the best I can
To make them realize that this is my life
I hope they understand
I'm not a angry, I'm just saying
Sometimes goodbye is a second chance

Jessica Lyn said...

After reading my comment, I think it comes across as negative.. but that was not how I meant it so I am sorry about that. Hopefully you know what I was trying to say though and that I'm not actually suggesting to not talk to your father again.

Kelli Bennett said...

@Jessica, your post wasn't viewed as negative at all. So don't worry about it. :D