Monday, April 5, 2010

Casting the First Stone

The first one is a big one.

How big?

Well, I've reached a point where I need to start disclosing my function to those that are close to me that do not yet know.

Things are really going to start changing and I feel certain people are going to need to know.

Even if they are not going to like what I have to say.

I have a rather large one first up on my list.

My Parents.

That is right I have not yet told them about me.

Now it is interesting because my mother has complained about my appearance. She thinks I've lost too much weight and of course thinks I need a haircut.

Other than that I have not heard much from either one of them about anything else.

The trick was how to do this.

I don't think I can physically manifest the words out of my mouth to explain this. These are my parents we are talking about. For the most part I have had a good up bringing. They raised me to be independent and self sufficient, respectful of others, hardworking, and myself.

Little did they know I never really was that last one.

For the most part I get along with them very well. Yes there are the standard Parental/Offspring issues where we don't always see eye to eye on things. But the relationship is good. If anything my Mother can be difficult to deal with at times, I learned how to deal with that.

Obviously I would like to be able to maintain the relationship with them, even if altered.

So for a long time I didn't know how to tell them. How to form the words that I need to say and they need to hear.

So I wrote them down. I got the idea from a few other girls that lived considerable distances from their parents. I figured the best way to get this issue out and into the open was to write them down.

It did take me four attempts to write it. I simply did not want to bash them over the head with this or force it down their throat. The first few versions kind of did that or at least I felt they did.

After I was finally happy with it I passed it along to a few people who I know me and about me, along with my therapist.

All the feedback I have gotten has been tremendous and extremely positive. They simply love the approach I took and how I said it. I guess I managed to do a decent job.

Now I don't intend to do the cowardly thing and just mail them the letter.

No, instead I fully intend to hand it to them face to face and allow them to read it. I just don't know if I will be able to find the voice to get these words out verbally. My hope is this will break the ice and lead into conversation.

After that I will try to stay as long as I can to deal with their reaction. Furthermore I will try to answer any questions they have.

My biggest goal is to try an avoid any type of blow up or argument. I simply want to try and discuss it as civil human beings.

I finally feel I am ready to do this, though one large fear I have is my Mother's tendency to speak about things to just anyone at inappropriate times or when she shouldn't. This is a huge one cause I am not ready to be outed across the board. I know it is coming but that is for me to do, not her. I will have to stress this to her a bit when all this happens.

With that I will say that I was able to pin them down in two weeks time. They are both retired and on the road quite a bit. I'm going to try and have lunch with them near their house (They do live an hour away so I can't do this spur of the moment.) then sit them down and proceed to upend their world.

The enormity of this has been growing on me for the last few days. Yet this needs to happen. The person they knew as their son is going to be going away to be replaced my someone else. I know it will take them time, but I hope they can come to terms with it.

It is going to be interesting.

P.S. Since the letter has some personal information in it I will not post it on here. However if I have talked to you previously and you ask me nicely I will consider sending a copy for you to read.

5 comments:

Jenny said...

I have a similar problem with telling my parents and I've approached it by dodging the issue so far. Sounds like you've done a far better job. I've done one thing though, I've recruited a trueted family memebr to be there for them to have someone to talk to in the event that they do find out or need to be told. Better that than have them stew over it.

Stace said...

I hope your parents take it as well as mine did.

It sounds like you are going about telling them in a much better way than I did when I told mine... (I went for the whole panic attack / breakdown when visiting - the letter thing sounds much healthier)

Seriously, good luck.
Stace

Jerica Truax said...

*hugs* girl!!! I hope things go well. My parents completely disowned me because of it but from what I've heard, they are in the minority.

<3 Jerica

Jessica Lyn said...

I unfortunitly took the cowardly way, I sent my mom an email.. but in fairness, I was 5 days away.. across the country. She took it well enough to let me move in with her. Things seemed fine at first, but then she started to talk about "gay people" as she calls them and how they're sick. I can only imagine she was trying to put that thought into my head in hopes I'd change my mind. I don't think she really gets it. She kept trying to get me to do "guy stuff" for her around the house too. I inventually moved out on my own. We still talk, just not really about me, and I do see her just about every weekend. So when start transition, we'll see how things turn about. But for now, I guess I have it better than some.

Good luck girl!

PS. Sorry about your folks Jerica

Kelli Bennett said...

@Stace,

Well me too, but who really knows. I just thought the letter would allow me to get what I had out rather then fumbling through it cause I can already tell you I am supposed to see them soon and the level of panic is on the rise. So I am very glad I have something that says what I need to ready to do it for me.

Otherwise I don't know if I could get it out.