Friday, October 14, 2011

End of the World as I Know It

Can I freak out now?

Please?

Pretty please?

With sugar on top?

Hard to believe I am here.

After all the pain. The lifetime of telling myself that this wasn't possible.

Sitting down almost four years ago admitting to myself I had an issue and that I needed help.

Working through all of it with a therapist, wrapping my noggin around the concept and setting things into motion.

Though it seems like everything has unfolded very slowly and has taken forever, a profound thought finally hit me.

I have 81 days left.

81?!?!

Where did that come from? It didn't seem that long ago I didn't know what was possible. I was still fighting myself with everything I had.

Working through numerous hangups to even take the smallest steps.

Yet here I am staring it right in the face.

So far things are good. Had a few more disclosures that I would say went ok.

Talked with HR yesterday, the are putting together a great plan to allow me to do this. They really have done their homework and talked about some of the things they want to do. I really do have to tip my hat to them in regards to their effort.

It was after the conversation I realized I am nearing a major, MAJOR, milestone.

And that I am really here at this point.

Jan 3rd will be my first day at work. At that point I will be living full time as me.

I am scared, nervous, excited and amazed all at the same time.

It really is very surreal.

All I have been doing is trying to deal with my anxiety keep doing things that I need to and taking my mind off it when ever I have down time. (I have been doing a lot of reading when I am not busy otherwise I think I would just let my nerves get the better of me if I didn't stay occupied with something.)

The clock is ticking things are about to change.

Change is good right?

10 comments:

Stace said...

Kind of creeps up on you doesn't it?

It sounds like you have the right kind of HR department at least though, if they have done their homework and are working with you.

As for the date... Snap (only a bit in reverse). My current planning is for 20th December to be full time at work and 3rd january is full time everywhere.

Stace

PS No you can't freak out! You sound like you are doing great :)

Kelly said...

Change is *definitely* good. :c) And I second Stace - you're doing great!!!

== K

Jenna said...

New year, new us!
I'm finishing work on the 19th December, pop back in the following week to the immediate people I work with and then return to work full time on the 9th January.

That's going to be the most nervous time for me, walking through the door as Jenna for the first time.

Jessica Lyn said...

I wish you good luck when that day comes, but honestly hun, you don't need it. You are beautiful and everyone is going to love the real you.

It sounds like your HR is doing a great job and I'm sure they will be keeping a close eye on you for some time to come just to make sure everything is okay and it stays that way.

Jessica Lyn said...

Oh.. and yes, it's okay to freak out!

Also, you never told us how shopping with your mom went.. I'm guessing you'll have another post for that at some point tho.

Kelli Bennett said...

Sheesh, it just happened this past weekend can I finish the post? Please? Pretty please?

Kelly said...

No you can't, missie. We need our fix! In fact, you should be grateul we didn't ask you to tweet during the entire meal!

== Kelly


P.S. Hope it went well... ;c)

Kelli Bennett said...

lol ok, sorry not a tweeter. I would rather focus on spending time with a person then tweeting about it.

And I will post about it when I am good and ready. The nerve of some people I do have a day job you know!!! /wink :D

Kelly said...

All kidding aside, I'm with you on the tweeting thing, as I'm of the "it's OK to have an unexpressed thought" school.

The only exception is Roger Ebert, who is a master of new media (Seriously. Both his tweets and his blog are must-reads. Really looking forward to his autobiography too!)

== Kelly

Kelly said...

Hmm, Blogger seems to have zapped the little "grin" emoticon I added to my post. So feel free to imagine I added one to the end of the first sentence. I'm sure it's much wittier now. ;c)

== Kelly