The Big Scary One

If you have been following along, and I hope you have been, I talked about a large portion of who I am recently.

Well, there was a reason I told you all that.

Yes apparently there are methods to my madness.

However the reason I explained all that is that I have a rather important meeting coming up.

HR.

Yep, I am tentatively meeting with them next week to discuss an issue.

I am not entirely sure how to approach this. I have thought about a detailed packet of information and a disclosure letter. Other ideas were to just walk in explain things and get feed back from HR about the issue.

Right now I am not looking to tell them when I am transitioning, just simply that I am planning it and that I need to know exactly what the company's response is and what their stance is going to be.

I do know there is some good verbiage in the employee handbook but I wouldn't say it is perfect.

At least there is some promise there.

I don't know recent discussions have me thinking all different types of things and I am running out of time to figure out what and how.

Though as of right now I am leaning toward just telling them the basics and leaving the door open to provide more should they ask for it.

However if there is one thing I am still absolutely terrified about it is my job.

I may not love it anymore. I may hate the political waffling that screws with my ability to provide services to the company as a whole. I might hate the constant finger pointing between departments. I may not like the two people I am being forced to train on the systems I work on (It is for backup reasons, my manager panics whenever I want time off and he just wants someone to have some familiarity with these systems. I guess it is the 'what happens if I get hit by a bus syndrome'. As for those too, well one forgets everything I teach him, even when I make him take the notes and write up the documentation, really? The other is just awful to work with, he thinks he is smarter than everything else even after the countless times we have proved him wrong. Sad really.) While it might not be my life. It allows me to live my life.

That is why it is such a huge concern for me. I cannot transition without it.

I know that I fully intend to leave at some point, but that isn't now. I need time to make this switch and maintain my employment.

So this particular disclosure has me almost petrified. I am second guessing everything and how to do it.

Yet I know it needs to get done.

Color me scared today.

Here is to keeping my fingers crossed and hoping for the best.