Monday, February 14, 2011

And You Called Me Crazy

You might recall this little episode in my life.

I hope you do, cause I am not repeating it.

Well it worked out in ways I wasn't expecting.

All for the better though.

Let me explain.

B called me last week wanted to do something on Saturday, so of course I said yes.

Quite emphatically actually.

I mean it is B and I love him dearly and always, ALWAYS have fun with him.


...Saturday never happened.

Sounds sad doesn't it.

However it wasn't!

What happened was this, B had a little quarrel with his ex, wasn't doing well on Thursday night. Which was rather depressing and I felt like an awful friend as I had therapy that night.

Yet, late that night he sent me a text asking me to call him the following morning.

Which of course I did.

"Hey beautiful how are you?"

"I am good, but I am worried about you what is up?"

"Well I wanted to know what you are doing tonight?"

"Tonight? Nothing I am on my own for the night so I was just going to eat dinner and maybe watch some TV."

"Well would you like to come over for dinner tonight? I'll cook, you just need to show up."

"Really? I would love that. Let me make sure I have some things taken care of at home and I will let you know!!"

"Ok but don't take too long I need to go shopping for some things if you are going to come."

"I will let you know in just an hour or two."

"Great I hope you can. Oh and by the way, kept it simply you don't have to dress up, but don't do the boy thing either you look kind of silly like that."

"LOL!! Thanks B, I'll keep that in mind."

I bet you want to know what happened?

Well I made sure things were going to be alright at home, shifted some things around that I was going to do, and confirmed with B that I would indeed be at his place for dinner. We agreed on a time and were set.

Now here is the interesting thing. His statement to me was interesting, what was I going to do or more important, how was I going to appear.

Now knowing that he had seen me in my rawest form, I thought about it all day. After rushing home, I simply threw on some sneakers, jeans, a long sleeved white tee shirt, and one of my favorite girl hoodie over it. I brushed out my hair with a little mouse and a touch of the hair dryer. I only used a little powder over some concealer, eyeliner and lip gloss.

Out the door I went.

From the moment I walked into the door he told me I looked more like myself.

As soon as my coat came off though it got better.

"Now that is the girl I am used to seeing!!! I do very much prefer you looking like this! It is more you and you look like a normal girl."

Followed up with:

"I do very much prefer your hair too. Honestly, I really don't want to see the wig anymore."

He let me wrap up some things for work as we had an emergency project and they needed my help to set something up. Thankfully we had to wait to shutdown and change the system so by the time I got to B's they were ready for me.

After that he and I sat down and had chicken pot pie, semi-homemade as I like to call it, but it was good and with different filling items than what I am used to. He is a fairly good cook but doesn't know a lot of recipes. I once offered to teach him a few things and he very much wants to take me up on it.

I had fun, enjoyed the movie, the food, the company, and the conversation.

Yet that wasn't even the best part.

Really, it does get better.

Almost within a few minutes of finishing the movie I was in the bathroom when his phone rang. When I came out he was still on it and looks at me:

"R is out at and would like us to come up for a drink or too."

I froze.

"Oh, come on Kelli you are going to have to start getting out sooner or later with out looking perfect all the time."

"Lol it isn't that but I feel I don't quite look like me."

Never mind that I didn't feel dressed for a trip to the bar.

"You are fine, really no one will bother you, you've been there before."

I still balked, hesitated, and almost refused to go.

Yet this was why I showed B what he looked like, because he sat me down, and talked me through it gently and really was so damn supportive and sweet I couldn't say no.

So I didn't.


Off we went.

I still hesitated when I got there, but as we drove separately so I could head home (as that was a shorter drive for me than to head back to B's house first) he came over to my car and walked me into the bar.

We caught R at the door, those two hugged but I could see R's face over B's shoulder and it took him a moment but his eyes lit up when he realized who I was.

He let go of B, immediately came up to me have me a huge squeeze telling me how good it was to see me again. With a wonderful comment about how much he liked my hair.

I didn't stay long but it was great to see those two together again. They are cute, adorable, and funny on their own, but the two of them together had my sides hurting. There is just something magical about them together.

I got some great comments from R's significant other who I met at B's cookout back in July. He didn't recongise me at all and as soon as R explained it to him his first comment was something along the lines of how much more I was looking like a girl.

In addition to him R's Neighbor, whom I was introduced to, had to ask them if I was a girl or a boy. R explained I was a girl now but there was a point in my past when I wasn't. He said ok, and that I was looking really good now. That the only thing made him question me was the hairline, or more specifically the shape.


It is something that will have to be dealt with. Which is very quickly approaching the first step.

To put in better perspective I explained to B and R that when I first met them over a year and a half ago. I had just started removing facial hair, I had just started replacing my hormones, I had only been growing my hair out for about six or eight months(really it wasn't growing in really well until I started HRT it is night and day different today.) I wouldn't have been caught dead out with my own hair and almost no makeup.

They were both amazed about just how far I had come and said that more now than ever then I look pretty much like a girl even though there are a few small tells. They again related the story to me how they still never knew I wasn't actually a girl until I told them almost three months later. Including the fact that most people were only looking at me that night because their first impression was that I was actually a girl and they couldn't figure out why I was hanging out in a gay bar. It was then that noticed something that cause them to ask one of them.

B even surprised me with something C told him now that he is single.

"B we need to find someone like Kelli for you. She is sweet, sensitive, funny and smart. Only we need to find it in boy form."

I stared at him quizzically and he followed up with.

"Kelli she really likes you and even though she knows, she can't think of you as anything other than a girl. Which is why she knows you wouldn't work for me."

Funny that, huh?

However that is why I am glad I showed him my other side, I would never have done any of this if I had not done that. It open up a level of comfort with him I never would have had otherwise. Strange how that worked out.

At the end of the night he walked me back to my car and I gave him a huge hug for being so wonderful to me and caring so much. He simple told me how proud he was that I went out that night. He also told me how brave I am for going through all this so I could finally be happy. He then told me I was one of the best friends he had and that he loved me very much.

I am just thankful he hung onto me while I cried on his shoulder, not only releasing the energy from nerves and fears I had, but because he is such a wonderful friend.

And that is the reason I love him so much. He not only got me to work past some of my fears, he was right there to support me while I did so.

Today I am the luckiest girl in the world.


Jessica Lyn said...

Ahwwwww.. how cute! Really I almost cried reading it cuz I am so happy for you. You truely are the luckiest girl in the world to have such a great friend. Now if you can just find someone like him in a "straight form", you'll have the greatest boyfriend a girl ever could have!

Kelli Bennett said...

It is odd but relationships are so not a concern right now. I simply want to get through all this and discover life as me.

Though surrounding myself with good friends is very important. B, as you can tell, is a friend I care about a great deal.

I think back to that second time I met him and how almost immediately we just clicked when we started talking. Who knew?

Jessica Lyn said...

I totally understand wanting to just discover yourself for now.. and I would/will do the same.. but at the same time, I'm so lonely and a good relationship is exactly what I need.. maybe it would be good for you too.. but our time will come and I'm sure we'll both get what we want.

Of course, one could never have too many friends though.

I know I don't know him, but tell B that I want to thank him for being there for you!