Rumors of My Demise Have Been Greatly Exaggerated

Well...

...I became one of those bloggers didn't I?

For shame.

I knew my blogging proclivity would see a bit of a reduction after full time.

I mean how could it not? I spent almost two years hiding from the general public. This left me with a lot of free time on my hands.

With a lot on my mind.

Which gave me a lot to write about.

I really felt like I was sitting around with my life on hold.

Since full time my life has been moving forward at a ridiculous pace.

It is almost as if life was a river and I put up a damn, everything was building up behind it until the damn finally broke. Causing everything to come flooding out.

This has kept me incredibly busy with little to no time to write.

I am sure my typewrite monkeys have loved all the free time with full pay.

Talk about too much monkey business.

I know there is the BF to cover(yes I am still seeing him). My Nephew's graduation, they thawing of relations with my father(still not great but happening). Also the drunken mess that is my brother.

The good news is I have been writing. I have had a lot to say and things to get out. I should have several posts published over the next few weeks.

So look forward to them. I know it has felt good to sit and write again.

When the Music Dies

I think I was eleven or twelve. Maybe somewhere in between.

I was visiting some of my cousins that day.

One who is almost four years older than me grabbed me all of a sudden.

"OMG I have something you have to hear!"

She knew I was starting to get into music. We saw a lot of each other back then so she thought she had something I would like to listen to.

She was right.

I had been hearing more and more hip-hop and rap.

While not a favorite sound there was some cool stuff starting to come out. (this was the mid eighties after all)

You could see the development and growth of it right in front of your eyes.

Still I was very picky with what I listen to at that time. That would change in the coming years but this was different.

What she played for me blew my mind. I was enthralled. We listen to the entire album while sitting her room.

It was short and we had the time.

My musical life changed that day.

Almost immediately I asked her who it was.

She told me.

I asked if they had been around before.

"No they are brand new."

I was hooked.

This trio of artist where nothing like I ever heard or would ever hear again.

It took me some time and scheming to get myself a copy of that first album as my parents would not let my buy it at that time.

I know I wore out at least one copy of that tape.

Then came their second album.

Still one of my favorites to this day. It was without a doubt their magnum opus. We will never hear an album made like that ever again. The multiple layers of sampling they used would not be allowed today with out a mountain of legal wrangling. If original artists would even agree to it.

I know I had both of these on one cassette tape at some point.

I am pretty sure I wore that out too.

I have several of their songs memorized. Lyric for Lyric.

Then with all the legal craziness they turned the hip-hop/rap community on their ear again with their third album.

They knew how to play instruments. So they did. Using them to great backing riffs and beats. Sounds lawyers could not complain about.

This one landed about the time grunge appeared. Thus the record was often mislabeled in the wrong genre.

People just didn't understand what they were doing.

Always challenging their sound, their listeners, even while still distinctly sounding like themselves.

Their subsequent work never stop entertaining me. I always eagerly looked forward to a new release buy a copy as soon as I could make it to a store or pre-ordering it.

I still listen to all their discs to this day.

They were one of my favorite groups and I was a huge fan. I got so many friends hooked on them simply because I listened to them.

That all changed.

This last Friday one of the three succumbed to an long battle with illness.

When I heard the news I was frozen.

I just sat there.

Numb.

I knew how much their music meant to me. Music was always an escape for me when I was younger. It allowed me to take my mind off of things. Distracting me I would focus on the music to forget thinking about me.

I listen to a lot of different things.

But theirs was always some of the most listen too.

Yet this last Friday I realized that this group as I had come to know and love was gone.

I would never again experience their amazingly creative brand of music as I had known it. The radical creativity, the unique craziness that they dared, and always seemed to succeed at.

Not to mention a part of my childhood died.

There are really no words to describe how much this will be missed.

Today the world is a sadder place. Even with being a fan of their music there idea and creativity influences so much of the musical world today. Just go look out at the other artist acknowledging just how huge this lose is.

All I can say is he will be missed and the group will never be the same without him.

Just Push...Pause?

I need a break.

Badly.

Not that life hasn't been good.

No, no, no!

It has truly been wonderful, fun and amazing.

Yes I still have to deal with some outstanding issues.

Though progress has been made on some counts. Small they might have been.

I actually stood in front of my dad, as me, for all of five minutes and chatted with him.

I wouldn't say we accomplished a lot, he still hardly talks to me but it was something.

My brother is still being a colossal jerk. He didn't even want to tell his sons about me. I guess he was pretending to ignore it. Yet he complains to my mom that I don't call him.

Gee I wonder why?

I also have been breaking rules.

Major rules.

As in I am dating.

Having been single and with all the trans stuff I had to, and will still have to deal with, I had a firm rule of not dating.

Seriously I had turned down ever single attempt to get my number or some other form of contact info.

I simply was not going to do it.

That is until now.

Why you ask?

This situation was different.

I knew of him through mutual friends. He has only ever known me, yet he does know about my past.

After several meetings through that group, we ran into each other in public on our own a couple of times over a year ago.

We never exchanged any contact info and I did not see him again until a few weeks ago. I remembered him, he was unsure about me(facial surgery and a drastic change in hair color could throw anyone off) until I mentioned something that happened once between us. He laughed, apologized for not only the incident I mentioned, but for not remembering me at first.

With that we spent the next few hours catching up and finally exchanging contact info. Which prompted an email exchange and him asking me out on a date.

Initially I was going to automatically respond with a no. As I thought about it though I realized that since I knew him, had a casual history, that it might be fun to go just to go.

No pressure to do anything, or see him again.

Plus knowing him and having spent some time with him before I trusted him.

Still don't think I was stupid. I met him at our first stop, did not let him pick me up. Met at a public place. This girl knows what she is doing.

Obviously you know how it turned out. As we are still seeing each other and so far it has been great. One of the best experiences dating I have ever had.

No I am not getting ahead of myself or planning a future. Thankfully he isn't either we are just enjoying the company and the fun. The amount of understanding between us has amazed me.

I also am moving out of my previous living arrangement into a new one. I am actually taking up the spare room with my cousin Rock Girl. She could use the extra cash and the rent is idea for me right now. Plenty of room for the two of us.

This is a huge reason I haven't been able to post. Well, yeah, dating too, but if I am not working, out with the beau, I am at her place prepping the room and closet. Not to mention moving a number of things as time and space allows.

Life is just exceedingly busy and doesn't show any signs of slowing down anytime soon.

Which is all good. I wouldn't have it any other way. I finally feel like I am living my life.

Loving it and I see nothing to slow me down.

Though a pause would be nice.