Monday, November 4, 2013

It Was Bound to Happen

I knew there would be moments of awkwardness during my transition.

I was also aware that if could happen after.

My hope was that it would not actually occur too much after full time.

For the most part it has not.

I did, however, have something happen recently.

This past Labor Day weekend(it is a U.S. holiday for those overseas readers) I once again made an appearance at the Cabin.

Yes, that cabin.{link}

The usual suspects were there. Rogue, Pixie, Jester, Scholar, Professor, and Ginger to name a few.

There were even a few who were there during my winter visit, and even a few new people.

Overall the weekend was a blast. I surprised them with my cooking skills as I made them a fairly large batch of my famous baby back ribs. Most of this group had never had them before and the complements were off the charts.

I think my favorite comment was "These ribs are like crack!"

There was great conversations, lots of laughs, good food as I was not the only one who cooked that weekend(I discovered candied bacon FTW!!). Plenty of movie watching and table top gaming.

I even brought with me a new one I had recently purchased.

I big part of the reason I like to go is there is absolutely no agenda for these weekends(or weeks). Come, have fun, but do what you want too. Sleep. Eat. Watch a movie or TV shows. Game. Read or anything in between.

About the only schedule is breakfast in the morning dinner in the evening. Anything else and you are on your own.

It is very relaxing.

Yet the title of this post indicates there might have been an issue.

And you would be right there was.

It was brief but something did happen that I did not expect.

When I arrived Friday night, as I had driven up right after work, Scholar was giving me the run down on where I might sleep for the weekend.

We were walking around and he listed off the large shared bedroom upstairs, the studio apartment above the garage, the bunk room in the old cabin, the full bedroom in the old cabin, and the roost.

The roost?

I had no idea what this was.

It turned out to be a small bedroom above the outside bath house. This was a late addition to the property and the bathhouse is now largely a storage room. Yet the apartment is well insulated, powered, and other than having to duck to get into it, very roomy. Most people can stand upright and not have an issue.

As we walked down from that he wrapped up the list of options with the following:

"If none of that works for you I have a king bed in the basement I am very willing to share."

*blink, blink*

"Scholar did you just hit on me?"


"Seriously, why?"

"Well for one you are hot! I also have the extra room and I am single."

I looked at him for a second as I put my thoughts together about this.

"Scholar...I cannot. I am sorry but with someone I have known for so long I just cannot do it. Are you okay with this?"

"Yeah fine, I was just taking the chance you might say something different."

"I am sorry but no."

Thankfully this did not impact the weekend I had at all. It just made for one awkward moment. It also as not affected my friendship with Scholar at all.

It is just something I cannot do. As I explained to Pixie at a later time. One firm rule I have regarding all of this is that I cannot comfortably date or pursue anyone I was really close friends with before hand.

Pixie understood what I was getting at and confirmed that it was also just Scholar being scholar. He cannot help himself at times. Especially when he is single.

The biggest reason is not them either. I would just find it way too awkward myself. Trust me there is more than one that I would consider otherwise if I was just meeting them for the first time and they are not married, it would be a different story.

When I say too awkward I mean it too. It would be way too awkward for me.

Still I guess it was bound to happen at some point. One of my older friends was going to make a pass at me.

Nothing came of it, he has not tried again and I am still friends with Scholar today.

At least in this case it was mostly harmless.


Anonymous said...

Brace yourself sweetheart! Things are likely to get rough on the "friendship" front.

Now is the time to invest in some new ones, ones that do not know your past or anyone from it AND! be prepared to let go of the friends you have now, remember them (and the times you had together) fondly, but understand that people move on and drift in and out of our lives ALL THE TIME.

The alternative is loneliness and isolation, they can sneak up on you, and when they do they can be fatal.

Best wishes!

Cassidy said...

You handled that with your usual graciousness, Miss. K. Lucky for him! lol Hockey chicks pack a punch!

Interesting post as always, hon. Thanks for sharing!


Jessica Lyn said...

I was expecting you to say someone had clocked you as trans.. but I can see how someone your knew before hitting on you would be awkward.

Cassidy: here here for hockey chicks!

Kelli Bennett said...

@orthodoxtransexual, I am not sure how to responded to this. For two reasons. One, you are partialy right in the fact that the lost of friends and family is quite and mostly likely possible. Second, I also feel that having friends and family that DO support you to be invaluable.

I have already lost friends and family due to my transition. Yet as I have posted here many of them have surprised me by not caring I changed and in face often call me and invite me to things, I have also met a number of wonderful new people who do not know anything and even if they did I doubt they would care.

I agree that investing in new friends is beneficial, but I would also argue that keeping the old ones that you can is invaluable to transition.

I am going to respond more indepth about this in another post.

@Jessica Lyn, to the best of my knowledge I have never been clocked. In fact I have recently been introduced as {insert friend's name} super hot friend Kelli.

I am extremely lucky regarding all this, but I still use caution and I still do not believe I am as attractive as people think I am.

Anonymous said...

Respond if you need to, or you could wait.

If we're prepared to be honest with ourselves, things become clearer in time.

It's likely you'll come to understand what I've written.

It's not easy.
Best wishes.

Kelli Bennett said...

@orthodoxtranssexual, I already responded and replied. You obviously either did not read it or chose to ignore it.

You are fully entitled to your opinion as I am fully entitled to mine.

If you had been following along you would have known my transition started out very rough and has since gotten better. Effort, conversation, and reaching out to people and educating as best I can has gone a long way.

So you may think you know what is about to happen in my transition, but I highly doubt it.

Transition is never easy and I often tell others NOT to do it unless it is really the only option they have left.